The Funniest Jokes ever!

Animal Jokes

  • What did the elephant say to the famous detective?
  • How did the frozen chicken cross the road?
  • How does a chicken tell time?
  • If the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side, how did the frog cross the road?
  • What day do chickens hate most?

  • Blonde Jokes

  • How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
  • A blond is going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
  • Did you hear about the blonde who had two chances to get pregnant?
  • Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
  • Did you hear about the blonde with a PhD in Psychology?

  • Yo momma Jokes

  • Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
  • Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
  • Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime
  • Yo momma so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
  • Yo mamas so fat it took me a bus and two trains just to get on her good side.

  • Aviation Jokes

  • A man named Mr. Smith was flying from San Francisco
  • Cessn A: Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot
  • Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean
  • Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped
  • Tower: Shamu two-two, please state estimated time of arrival

  • Bar Jokes

  • A man is in a bar having a drink
  • A guy stumbles through the front door of a bar
  • The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture
  • McPherson walked into a bar and ordered martini
  • Where do Martians drink beer?

  • Business Jokes

  • Give Us The Benefit Of Your Thinking
  • Give Us Your Interpretation
  • It Is In The Process
  • Major Technological Breakthrough
  • Please Note And Initial

  • Celebrity Jokes

  • Gary Barlow Obe
  • Chuck Norris does not know about this website
  • Chuck Norris is the only person in the world
  • 100 Women Surveyed, Would you have sex with Bill Clinton?
  • At the grammy awards Beyonce said to Justin Bieber, “What song would u sing of mine justin?

  • Computer Jokes

  • What did the computer say to the student writing an essay?
  • 50 Ways To Confuse, Worry, Or Just Scare People In The Computer Lab
  • Internet Test
  • If Operating Systems Were Beer Brands
  • Top Ten new Intel Slogans for the Pentium

  • Criminal Jokes

  • What has 3 teeth and 30 legs?
  • A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal
  • What did the burglar say to the watchmaker as he tied him up?
  • Victim (to mugger): But my watch isn’t any good
  • A computer geek goes to prison for fraud

  • Dirty Jokes


  • A guy waiting at the bus stop wearing chains
  • What did the sign on the whore house say?
  • What’s the ultimate rejection?
  • Did you hear the one about the blonde?
  • What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?

  • Doctor Jokes

  • Three patients at a psychiatric clinic
  • How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
  • Mary was having a tough day
  • At a medical convention, doctors flerting each other
  • What is a drill team?

  • Economic Jokes

  • How can you tell when an economist is lying?
  • How has French revolution affected world economic growth?
  • How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
  • How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?
  • How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?

  • Ethnic Jokes

  • what do you call a Chinese heroin addict
  • What do you call an asian that injects?
  • Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
  • How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?
  • What do you call a redneck bursting into flames?

  • Family Jokes

  • There was a woman who was pregnant with twins
  • A little demon came home from school one day
  • Mum: Why does your little brother jump up and down before taking his medicine?
  • Pride is what you feel when your kids net money
  • When Ben hit his thumb with a hammer

  • Food Jokes

  • What did the coffee say after the donut asked him a math problem?
  • What did they do to the burger who thought he was a rooster?
  • Two little boys were visiting their grandfather
  • What’s the difference between a biscuit and a monster?
  • Why do hamburgers make poor pigeons?

  • Fruit Jokes

  • How do you make an apple turnover?
  • What is long and yellow and always points north?
  • Why did Eve want to move to New York?
  • What is red and goes putt, putt, putt?
  • Dad, do you like baked apples?

  • History Jokes

  • When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat?
  • What was Camelot?
  • How did you do in your tests?
  • Why did Arthur have a round table?
  • Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood

  • Humor

  • Heard of the dyslexic drug addict?
  • Did you hear the one about the phoney Cupid?
  • What did the hat say to the necktie?
  • A man is hired by the circus to perform a task
  • A young banker decided to get his first tailor

  • Idiot and fool Jokes

  • The fool who keeps going round saying ”no”
  • A silly boy spent the afternoon with some friends
  • Why did the idiot have his sundial floodlit?
  • My friend is so stupid that he thinks twice before saying nothing.
  • A man in a swimming pool was on the diving board

  • Jokes for Kids and Children

  • How do you make a tissue dance?
  • How do you make holy water?
  • How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
  • How do baseball players stay cool?
  • How do crazy people go through the forest?

  • Knock Knock Jokes

  • Knock Knock Who’s there ! Blur ! Blur who?
  • Knock Knock Who’s there ! Blood ! Blood who?
  • Knock Knock Who’s there ! Badger ! Badger who?
  • Knock Knock Who’s there ! Bologna ! Bologna who?
  • Knock Knock Who’s there ! Butch ! Butch who?

  • Men and Women Jokes

  • Why do so few men end up in Heaven?
  • Why do men like love at first site?
  • I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months! – I don’t like to interrupt her.
  • Never before had Sue looked in her husband box
  • When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

  • Movie and TV Jokes

  • How does a singer change a light bulb?
  • How does a young man become a member of a high school chorus?
  • How do you put a sparkle in a soprano’s eye?
  • How do you tell if a tenor is dead??
  • How do you tell if a Wagnerian soprano is dead?

  • People Jokes

  • What is the definition of Death?
  • Insurance agent to would-be client
  • Customer: How come the Board of Health hasn’t come in and closed you up?
  • Judge: ‘Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?
  • A punk walked into a barber’s shop and sat in an empty chair. ‘Haircut, sir?

  • Police and Military Jokes

  • What do you call a policewoman that shaves her vagina?
  • Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police
  • You Might be a Marine Wife if
  • While practicing autorotations during a military night exercise
  • The chief of staff of the US Air Force

  • Political Jokes

  • Barack Obama is on a sinking ship, who gets saved?
  • Barack Obama’s daughters are very smart
  • Another scandal hit the White House today
  • As you know by now, the government is now taking an active role
  • But the dog thing — maybe that is where the floppy ears come from

  • Question Jokes

  • Knock Knock Who’s there ! Blur ! Blur who?
  • Where does baby oil come from?
  • Knock Knock Who’s there ! Blood ! Blood who?
  • What did the sign on the whore house say?
  • Who held the baby octopus to ransom?

  • Religious Jokes

  • A couple had two little mischievous boys
  • Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent
  • The church was conducting its annual fund drive
  • An accountant dies and goes to Heaven
  • A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg

  • School Jokes

  • What do you call a rodent with babies?
  • What do you call a snake after it drinks three cups of coffee?
  • What do you call an algebra teacher who takes his vacations at the beach?
  • What do you call friends who love math?
  • How does a ghost solve a quadratic equation?

  • Special Day Jokes

  • What is the cleanest reindeer called?
  • What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
  • What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?
  • What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
  • What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?

  • Sport Jokes

  • Which insect didn’t play well in goal?
  • Which England player keeps up the fuel supply?
  • Why do artists never win when they play football?
  • When fish play football, who is the captain?
  • A true story, according to the LA Times

  • Technology Jokes

  • We at Microsoft believe in making computing easier
  • How do skunks like their e-mails?
  • What do you get if you type www.abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.com into your computer?
  • Why was the skeleton using the Internet?
  • Customer: I’m running Windows ’95

  • Travel and Tourist Jokes

  • A fellow stopped at a rural gas station
  • Someone — always a man — always asks, ‘does the ship run on generators?
  • A farmer, who went to a big city
  • A huge American car screeched to a halt in a village
  • How many tourists does it take to change a lightbulb?

  • Weird Jokes

  • First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror
  • What’s the speed limit of sex?
  • Do you know what a mice said when it saw a bat?
  • My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion
  • I’m not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased!

  • Women Jokes

  • Blonde Interview
  • Blonde Riding A Horse
  • A Robber and a Parrot
  • Turtle Recall
  • Catching a White Elephant
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