The Funniest Jokes ever!
Animal Jokes
What did the elephant say to the famous detective? How did the frozen chicken cross the road? How does a chicken tell time? If the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side, how did the frog cross the road? What day do chickens hate most?
Blonde Jokes
How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A blond is going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat? Did you hear about the blonde who had two chances to get pregnant? Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? Did you hear about the blonde with a PhD in Psychology?
Yo momma Jokes
Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in! Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun! Yo momma so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck. Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime Yo mamas so fat it took me a bus and two trains just to get on her good side.
Aviation Jokes
A man named Mr. Smith was flying from San Francisco Cessn A: Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped Tower: Shamu two-two, please state estimated time of arrival
Bar Jokes
A man is in a bar having a drink A guy stumbles through the front door of a bar The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture McPherson walked into a bar and ordered martini Where do Martians drink beer?
Business Jokes
It Is In The Process Major Technological Breakthrough Please Note And Initial Preliminary Operational Tests Were Inconclusive See Me Or Let’S Discuss
Celebrity Jokes
Gary Barlow Obe Chuck Norris does not know about this website Chuck Norris is the only person in the world Bill and Hillary and Al and Tipper takes a boat ride, the boat capsizes, who gets saved? 100 Women Surveyed, Would you have sex with Bill Clinton?
Computer Jokes
What did the computer say to the student writing an essay? 50 Ways To Confuse, Worry, Or Just Scare People In The Computer Lab Internet Test If Operating Systems Were Beer Brands Top Ten new Intel Slogans for the Pentium
Criminal Jokes
What has 3 teeth and 30 legs? A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal What did the burglar say to the watchmaker as he tied him up? Victim (to mugger): But my watch isn’t any good A computer geek goes to prison for fraud
Dirty Jokes
A guy waiting at the bus stop wearing chains What did the sign on the whore house say? What’s the ultimate rejection? Did you hear the one about the blonde? What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
Doctor Jokes
Three patients at a psychiatric clinic How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb? Mary was having a tough day At a medical convention, doctors flerting each other What is a drill team?
Economic Jokes
How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb? How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb? How many investors does it take to change a light bulb? How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb? How many marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Ethnic Jokes
what do you call a Chinese heroin addict What do you call an asian that injects? Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass? What do you call a redneck bursting into flames?
Family Jokes
There was a woman who was pregnant with twins A little demon came home from school one day Mum: Why does your little brother jump up and down before taking his medicine? Pride is what you feel when your kids net money When Ben hit his thumb with a hammer
Food Jokes
What did the coffee say after the donut asked him a math problem? What did they do to the burger who thought he was a rooster? Two little boys were visiting their grandfather What’s the difference between a biscuit and a monster? Why do hamburgers make poor pigeons?
Fruit Jokes
How do you make an apple turnover? What is long and yellow and always points north? Why did Eve want to move to New York? What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? Dad, do you like baked apples?
History Jokes
When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat? What was Camelot? How did you do in your tests? Why did Arthur have a round table? Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood
Humor
Heard of the dyslexic drug addict? Did you hear the one about the phoney Cupid? What did the hat say to the necktie? A man is hired by the circus to perform a task A young banker decided to get his first tailor
Idiot and fool Jokes
The fool who keeps going round saying ”no” A silly boy spent the afternoon with some friends Why did the idiot have his sundial floodlit? My friend is so stupid that he thinks twice before saying nothing. A man in a swimming pool was on the diving board
Jokes for Kids and Children
How do you make a tissue dance? How do you make holy water? How many books can you put in an empty backpack? How do you drown a Hipster? How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Knock Knock Jokes
Knock Knock Who’s there ! Badger ! Badger who? Knock Knock Who’s there ! Blur ! Blur who? Knock Knock Who’s there ! Blood ! Blood who? Knock Knock Who’s there ! Bologna ! Bologna who? Knock Knock Who’s there ! Butch ! Butch who?
Men and Women Jokes
Why do so few men end up in Heaven? Why do men like love at first site? I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months! – I don’t like to interrupt her. Never before had Sue looked in her husband box When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Movie and TV Jokes
How does a singer change a light bulb? How does a young man become a member of a high school chorus? Did you hear about the planeload of conductors en route to the European Festival? Generally speaking, how late does a band play? How are musicians like linoleum?
People Jokes
What is the definition of Death? Insurance agent to would-be client Customer: How come the Board of Health hasn’t come in and closed you up? Judge: ‘Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars? A punk walked into a barber’s shop and sat in an empty chair. ‘Haircut, sir?
Police and Military Jokes
What do you call a policewoman that shaves her vagina? Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police You Might be a Marine Wife if While practicing autorotations during a military night exercise The chief of staff of the US Air Force
Political Jokes
Barack Obama is on a sinking ship, who gets saved? Barack Obama’s daughters are very smart Conservatives say the award represents everything they stand against Debate between former Governor Mitt Romney and future former President Obama 46 % of viewers who watched thought Obama won and 39 % thought Mitt Romney won
Question Jokes
Knock Knock Who’s there ! Blur ! Blur who? Where does baby oil come from? Knock Knock Who’s there ! Blood ! Blood who? What did the sign on the whore house say? Who held the baby octopus to ransom?
Religious Jokes
A couple had two little mischievous boys Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent The church was conducting its annual fund drive An accountant dies and goes to Heaven A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg
School Jokes
How does a ghost solve a quadratic equation? What did algebra math book say to the other? What do you call a rodent with babies? What do you call a snake after it drinks three cups of coffee? What do you call an algebra teacher who takes his vacations at the beach?
Special Day Jokes
What is the cleanest reindeer called? What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant? What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament? What did the cow get for Christmas? What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
Sport Jokes
Which insect didn’t play well in goal? Which England player keeps up the fuel supply? Why do artists never win when they play football? When fish play football, who is the captain? A true story, according to the LA Times
Technology Jokes
We at Microsoft believe in making computing easier How do skunks like their e-mails? What do you get if you type www.abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.com into your computer? Why was the skeleton using the Internet? Customer: I’m running Windows ’95
Travel and Tourist Jokes
A fellow stopped at a rural gas station Someone — always a man — always asks, ‘does the ship run on generators? A farmer, who went to a big city A huge American car screeched to a halt in a village How many tourists does it take to change a lightbulb?