Julie had broken off her engagement
Julie had broken off her engagement. Her friend asked her what had happened. ‘I thought it was love at first sight,’ said Julie. ‘It was, but it was the second and third sights that changed my mind.
Beauty Jokes
She’s the kind of girl that boys look at twice
She’s the kind of girl that boys look at twice – they can’t believe it the first time.
Fred keeps telling me that he’s going to marry a girl
Fred keeps telling me that he’s going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world. Oh, what a shame! And you’ve been engaged for such a long time!
People say my girlfriend’s legs look like matchsticks
I can’t understand why people say my girlfriend’s legs look like matchsticks. They do look like sticks – but they certainly don’t match.
What is yellow and goes click-click?
What is yellow and goes click-click?A ball-point banana. Witch: Will I lose my looks as I get older?Wizard: With luck, yes. Witch:
They say Margaret is a raving beauty. You mean she’s escaped from the funny farm?
They say Margaret is a raving beauty. You mean she’s escaped from the funny farm?
Last night I dreamt I was dancing with a girl
Last night I dreamt I was dancing with the most beautiful girl in the world What was I wearing ?
Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair
Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back. Will: Pity it’s not on her head.
I’ve just come back from the beauty parlour. Pity it was closed!
I’ve just come back from the beauty parlour. Pity it was closed!
Don’t look out of the window, Betty, people will think it’s Halloween.
Don’t look out of the window, Betty, people will think it’s Halloween.
Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance?
Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance ?Man: It did for a while – then it fell off.
My boyfriend says I look like a dishy Italian!
‘My boyfriend says I look like a dishy Italian!”said Miss Conceited. ”Then he’s right said her little brother.”Sophia Loren?” ”No-spaghetti!”
The girl monster who wasn’t pretty and wasn’t ugly
Did you hear about the girl monster who wasn’t pretty and wasn’t ugly ?She was pretty ugly
Mary: Do you think my sister’s pretty?
Mary: Do you think my sister’s pretty ?Gary: Well, let’s just say if you pulled her pigtail she’d probably say ‘oink, oink ‘!
A monster went to the doctor with a branch in his head
A monster went to the doctor with a branch growing out of his head. ”Hmmm,” said the doctor. ”I’ve no idea what it is.” The next week the branch was covered in leaves and blossom. ”I’m stumped,” said the doctor, ”but you can try taking these pills.” When the monster came back a month later … Read more
First witch: My beauty is timeless. Second witch: Yes, it could stop a clock.
First witch: My beauty is timeless. Second witch: Yes, it could stop a clock.
Who won the Monster Beauty Contest?
Who won the Monster Beauty Contest?No one.
I don’t think these photographs you’ve taken do me justice
I don’t think these photographs you’ve taken do me justice. You don’t want justice – you want mercy !
Two teenage boys were talking in the classroom
Two teenage boys were talking in the classroom. One said, ‘I took my girlfriend to see ‘The bride of Dracula’ last night.’ ‘Oh yeah,’ said the other, ‘ what was she like ?’ ‘Well she was about six foot six, white as a ghost and she had big red staring eyes and fangs.’ The other … Read more
Mrs Saggy: Mrs Wrinkly tried to have a facelift last week. Mrs Baggy: Tried to?
Mrs Saggy: Mrs Wrinkly tried to have a facelift last week. Mrs Baggy: Tried to?Mrs Saggy: Yes, they couldn’t find a crane strong enough to lift her face!
First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday
First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours. Second Witch: Oh, what did you have done?First witch: Nothing, I was just going in for an estimate.
People keep telling me I’m beautiful. What vivid imaginations some people have.
People keep telling me I’m beautiful. What vivid imaginations some people have.
A woman went to a sweet store to buy sweets
A woman went to a sweet store to buy some sweets. The boy behind the counter said ”Gosh, your ugly aren’t you?, I’ve never seen anyone so hideous as you before” ”Young man” she replied. ” I didn’t come here to be insulted” ”Really”, he said, ”Where do you usually go ?”
The witch who did a four year course in ugliness
Did you hear about the witch who did a four year course in ugliness?She finished it in two.
My boyfriend thinks I’m beautiful Well they do say that love is blind !
My boyfriend thinks I’m beautiful Well they do say that love is blind !
Where is everyone beautiful?
Where is everyone beautiful?In the dark.
A witch went into a beauty parlor and asked the assistant
A witch went into a beauty parlor and asked the assistant how much it would cost to make her look like a film star. ”Nothing,” replied the assistant. ”Nothing?” she asked, ”but how can I look like a film star?” ”Haven’t you seen a film called The Creature from the Black Lagoon?” replied the assistant.
Monster: I’m so ugly. Ghost: It’s not that bad!
Monster: I’m so ugly. Ghost: It’s not that bad! Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born they passed out cigars. When my father was born they just passed out cigarettes. When I was born they simply passed out.
Little Johnny and his mother were on a train
Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his mother’s ear. ‘Johnny, how many times have I told you,’ said his mother, ‘ it’s rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out loud.’ ‘OK, said Johnny, ‘why does the lady over there … Read more
Your ugly. And you’re drunk. Yes, but in the morning I’ll be sober !
Your ugly. And you’re drunk. Yes, but in the morning I’ll be sober !
Girlfriend: Will you love me when I’m old and fat and ugly?
Girlfriend: Will you love me when I’m old and fat and ugly?Boyfriend: Of course I do !