Question: Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? Answer: They went to see ”Closed for the Winter”.
Question: What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Answer: Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
Why does Rick Ross rap about cars when he cant fit in them.
Question: What did the traffic light say to the car? Answer: Don’t look, I’m changing.
Question: What do a car, tree and an elephant have in common? A. They all have trunks!
Question: What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car? A. A Tyrannosaurus WRECK!
Question: How can you tell when an accountant owns a used car lot? A. She keeps turning back the gas gauge.
A tourist climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, DC. He saw a man standing near the curb, and asked, ”Listen, I’m going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?” ”What?” the man huffed. ”Do you realize that I am a member of … Read more
A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he’s in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, ”Fill it up, will you?”. The man says ”Sorry – we’re right out of petrol.” So the man considers, and … Read more
Q: How do you get a dog to stop barking in the back seat of a car?– A: Put him in the front seat.
What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?It gets toad away..
Auntie Gladys bought herself a new rear-engine continental car. She took an old friend for a spin, but after only half a mile, the car broke down. Both women got out and opened up the front of the car. ‘Oh, Gladys,’ said her friend, ‘you’ve lost your engine!’ ‘Never mind dear,’ said auntie. ‘I’ve got … Read more
What do cars do at the disco?Brake dance.
A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. ”Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls?I’ve got a phone in my Yugo!” The driver of the Rolls looked over and said … Read more
Policeman: Why are you driving that car in circles?Driver: I was just going for a little spin.
A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together. St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter’s holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a … Read more
Why is an old car like a baby playing?Because it goes with a rattle.
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian customer agent stops them and tells them: ”Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro.” ”What do you mean it’s illegal?” asked the Englishmen. ”Quattro means four,” replies the Italian official. ”Quattro is just the name of the automobile,” the Englishmen says … Read more
Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car?Because he was a car-case.
Q: Two men drive into a car wash. Which one is the Irishman? A: The one on the motorbike.
Motorist: Does a deer have a horn?Police Officer: No, a deer has two horns. Motorist: Then it must have been a car that ran over my uncle.
What is a banged-up used car?A car in first-crash condition.
One day there was a family driving in the car to Michigan to visit their relatives. They were looking for the street they had to turn on to get to their relatives house. They accedently turned on the wrong street so they had to pull in a driveway and turn around. When they pulled into … Read more
Where do cars get the most flat tires?Where there is a fork in the road.
Policeman: How can you drive so recklessly?Driver: I have to, this is a getaway car.
A huge American car screeched to a halt in a sleepy English village, and the driver called out to a local inhabitant, ”Say, am I on the right road for Shakespeare’s birthplace?” ”Ay, straight on, sir,” said the rustic, ”but no need to hurry. He’s dead.”
What’s a rabbits’ favourite car?Any make, just as long it’s a hutchback!
Hawk and Tom were talking in the bar. Hawk said,” I just got kicked off the course for breaking 60.” Tom looked at him, amazed. ” Breaking 60?That’s amazing!” Hawk smiled and said,” Yeah, I never knew a golf cart could go that fast!”
A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on … Read more
When I get real bored, I like to drive down town and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I’m leaving.
Q: How did a blind man drive his car? A: One hand on the wheel? the other on the road.
An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, ”Oy vey! What a wreck!” The priest asks him, ”Are you all right, Rabbi?” The Rabbi responds, ”Just a little shaken.” The priest pulls a … Read more
What happens if an axe falls on your car?You have an ax-i-dent (accident).
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called ship-ment but when you transport something by ship it’s called cargo?
Why did the cowboy’s car stop?It had Injun (engine) trouble.
Q: What’s the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman? A: The car salesman can probably drive!
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? A: Carry loaded weapons.
Anytime you see a young man open a car door for his girlfriend, either the car is new or the girlfriend is.
While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11’3.” They got out and measured their rig, which was 12’4.” ”What do you think?” one asked the other. The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. ”Not a cop in sight. … Read more
Jill’s car was unreliable and she called John for a ride every time it broke down. One day John got yet another one of those calls. ”What happened this time?” he asked. ”My brakes went out,” Jill said. ”Can you come to get me?” ”Where are you?” John asked. ”I’m in the drugstore,” Jill responded. … Read more
A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver’s license, the driver argued, ”Speeding???But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car the the car in back of me.”
How does an elephant get out of a small car ?The same way that he got in !
WIFE: ”There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor.” HUSBAND: ”Water in the carburettor?That’s ridiculous.” WIFE: ”I tell you the car has water in the carburettor.” HUSBAND: ”You don’t even know what a carburettor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?” WIFE: ”In the pool.”
On Fred’s 17th birthday, his Dad said he’d take him out for his first driving lesson. As they got in the car, the father said, ”Just one thing, Fred. If you’re going to hit anything, make sure it’s cheap.”
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, ”Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!” ”Hell,” said Herman, ”It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”
What jumps up and down in front of a car ?Froglights !
A monster goes to a petrol station and says: Fill me up The man at the petrol station replies: You have to have a car for me to do that!. The monster replies: But I had a car for lunch!
Which snakes are found on cars?Windscreen vipers.
How do you fit five elephants into a car ?Two in the front, two in the back and the other in the glove compartment !
If Microsoft built cars you would need to restart your car, then it would perform illegal operations and crash.