Question: Who earns a living driving their customers away? Answer: A taxi driver.
What a engineer means when he says: CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED He means: We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.
Customer: How come the Board of Health hasn’t come in and closed you up?Waiter: They’re afraid to eat here.
Customer: ”I’m running Windows ’95.” Tech: ”Yes.” Customer: ”My computer isn’t working now.” Tech: ”Yes, you said that.”
A customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then he removed all the keys and washed them individually.
Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard.
Customer: Waiter, look at this chicken! It’s nothing but skin and bones. Waiter: Would you like the feathers, too?
Customer: Why does your sign say ”Fine Dining”?Waiter: We can dream, can’t we?
Customer: Couldn’t you see I was going bald?Barber: No, the shine from your head blinded me.
This customer comes into the computer store. ”I’m looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging.” ”Well,” replied the clerk, ”Have you tried Windows 98?”
Customer: Why is this sandwich half eaten?Waiter: I didn’t have time to finish it.
CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig cooler?WAITER: Sure, spray him with a hose.
A technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer put the disk in, asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and closing the door to his room.
Customer: Waiter, I found a hair in my turtle soup. Waiter: How about that! The turtle and the hare finally got together.
Customer: Do you have bacon and eggs on the menu: Waiter: No, we clean our menus regularly.
Customer: Why is my hairline receding?Barber: It’s not. Your scalp is advancing.
CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig shake?WAITER: Tell him the wolf is coming.
Customer: I didn’t order this. Waiter: I know, but your meal tastes worse.
Customer: What is this fly doing in my alphabet soup?Waiter: Probably learning to read.
Customer: ”I’ve been doing risk analysis by hand for five years, and we finally got your program so we could do it automatically — but there’s a bug in it. The answers come out differently each time.” Tech Support: ”Sir, are you aware that our program uses Monte-Carlo analysis?” Customer: ”Of course I am. That’s … Read more
CUSTOMER: How do you make a pig float?WAITER: Just give him an inner tube.
What did the customer say to the pet shop assistant after buying a bunny?Rabbit up nicely, it’s a gift!
Customer: I think I’ve got a bug in my computer. Repairman: Does your computer make a humming noise?Customer: Yes. Repairman: Then it must be a humbug!
Customer: ”Why didn’t you tell me I have call waiting?” Tech Support: ”Sir, we have no way of knowing if you have call waiting.” Customer: ”Well, you should ask everybody!” Tech Support: ”Do you have call waiting?” Customer: ”What’s that?”
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat. ”Are you crazy?” yelled the customer, ”with your hand on my steak?” ”What” answers the waiter, ”You want it to fall on the floor again?”
Customer: ”Hi, I’m supposed to pack [zip] my database and send it to you. What should I pack it in?”
Customer: Waiter, there’s a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing.
Customer: Waiter, this food is repeating on me. Waiter: Good, we love repeat business.
Customer: ”Wait, that password looks really gray. I’m going to type it in again.”
Who drives away all his customers ?A taxi driver.
Customer: I’d like a watch that tells time. Clerk: Don’t you have a watch that tells time?Customer: No, you have to look at it.
Customer: ”How do I print my voicemail?”
Customer: Why doesn’t your menu list prices?Waiter: We didn’t want to make you sick before the food does.
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth … Read more
Customer: Why doesn’t this restaurant have any specials?Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special.
A customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes to the technician. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of her diskettes.
Customer: Why don’t you have doggie bags?Waiter: That would be cruelty to animals.
Customer: Why did you take off so much hair?Barber: I didn’t, nature beat me to it.
Customer: Why doesn’t my hairline look good?Barber: It’s on the same old head.
Customer to friend: This is a wonderful restaurant. I ordered salad and I got the freshest salad in the world, I ordered coffee, and I got the freshest coffee in the world. Friend: I know – I ordered a small steak and got a calf.
Customer: That crust on the apple pie was too tough. Waiter: That wasn’t the crust, that was the pie plate.
A customer needed help setting up a new program, so the technician suggested he go to the local Egghead. ”Yeah, I got me a couple of friends,” the man said. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, ”Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks.”
Customer: I thought the meals here were supposed to be like mother used to make. Waiter: They are. She couldn’t cook either.
Customer: Waiter, I can’t eat this meal. Waiter: Why not?It looks all right to me. Customer: I don’t have a fork.
Customer: How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered?Waiter: Well, you know how slow turtles are.
Customer: This fish isn’t as good as what I ordered here last month. Waiter: That’s funny. It’s from the same fish.
Who drives away all of his customers?A taxicab driver.
Customer: You said these pants were pure wool, but the label says ”all cotton.” Salesman: Oh, that’s just to keep the moths away.
Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny. Waiter: So laugh, sir.
Customer: Why don’t you eat here, waiter?Waiter: Serving it is bad enough, I don’t want to compound the felony.