A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger … Read more
Question: Why don’t they teach Driver’s Ed and Sex Education on the same day in Middle East? Answer: They don’t want to wear out the camel.
Question: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver’s License? Answer: Because she got an ”F” in sex.
Question: A bus driver was going down the road. He passed a stop sign without stopping, went on the left side of the road, and ran a red light, yet he didn’t get fined. Why? A. Because he wasn’t driving a bus, he was walking!
Question: What’s the difference between a conductor and a stagecoach driver? Answer: The stagecoach driver only has to look at four horses’ asses.
What’s the difference between a schoolteacher and a train driver?A schoolteacher says, ”Spit out that toffee” and a train says, ”Choo, choo.”
This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying: ”Nerds Not Allowed — Enter At Your Own Risk!” He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him. ”You smell kind of nerdy. What do … Read more
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads ”low bridge ahead.” Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car … Read more
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. ‘Come with me’, said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a … Read more
A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way down a one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. ”Didn’t you see the arrow, buddy?” he asked. ”An arrow?” the confused driver said. ”I didn’t even see the Indians
The Boston taxi driver backed into the stationary fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him. ”Name?” ”Brendan O’Connor.” ”Same as mine. Where are you from?” ”County Cork.” ”Same as me……” The policeman paused with his pen in the air. ”Hold on a moment and I’ll come back and talk about the … Read more
A young man comes home and says ”Dad, just got my driver’s license and would like to use the family car.” Father replies, :”O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and … Read more
What’s the difference between a bus driver and a cold?A bus driver knows the stops, and a cold stops the nose.
There was this truck driver who had to deliver 500 penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, his truck breaks down. After about 3 hours, he waves another truck down and offers the driver $500 to take these penguins to the state zoo for him. The next day … Read more
There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out. ”YOU’RE DRUNK!” exclaimed the police officer. ”Thank God for that!” said the drunk, ”I thought the steering had gone.”
Why did the stupid racing car driver make ten pit stops during the Grand Prix?He was asking for directions.
A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his automobile. ”I’ve circled the block for 20 minutes. I’m late for an appointment, and if I don’t park here I’ll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses.” When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note: ”I’ve circled the block for … Read more
My sister’s a really bad driver. What makes you say that?Every time she goes out in the car, Dad puts a glass panel in the floor so that she can see who she’s run over.
Q: Why don’t they teach driver’s education and sex education on the same day in Iraq? A: They don’t want to wear out the camel.
Teenage Driver: But, officer, I’m a college man. Policeman: Sorry, but ignorance is no excuse.
A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines. ”Don’t know,” the woman said. He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rearview … Read more
What do you give a train driver for Christmas ?Platform shoes !
Why do you need a driver’s licence to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?
‘Take the wheel, Harry!” said the nervous lady driver. ”There’s a tree coming straight for us!”
So the bus driver said to the string, ”Are you a string?” and the string said, ”No, I’m afraid not”. (A frayed knot).
Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Bill told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the … Read more
A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper. The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab. Figuring that the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked ”Did I … Read more
What driver doesn’t have a license?A screw driver.
A Roadway driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck driving west and the CB crackles to life . ”Hey Roadway driver whos the two biggest poofs in America?” comes from the CB. The Roadway driver replies . ”I don’t know” . The other trucker says ” You and your brother ”. … Read more
Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well, I won’t stand in your way.
A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, ”Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn’t be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?” ”That it is, ”Irish … Read more
Learner driver: What happens when everything’s coming your way?Instructor: You’re in the wrong lane.
Q: What’s the difference between Janet Reno and a school bus driver? A: The bus driver stops to let the kids out.
What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold?One knows the stops, the other stops the nose.
A truck driver was going down a steep incline when, at the foot of the hill, he was able to make out a couple having sex in the middle of the road. Five times on his descent he sounded his horn, but they didn’t move. He finally brought the truck’ to a halt inches from … Read more