What a engineer means when he says: PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE He means: The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch
What a engineer means when he says: SEE ME or LET’S DISCUSS He means: Come into my office, I’m lonely.
What a engineer means when he says: TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING He means: We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.
What a engineer means when he says: THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED He means: The only person who understood the thing quit.
What a engineer means when he says: WE WILL LOOK INTO IT He means: Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
What a engineer means when he says: GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING He means: We’ll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn’t interfere with what we’ve already done.
What a engineer means when he says: GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION He means: I can’t wait to hear this bull!
What a engineer means when he says: IT IS IN THE PROCESS He means: It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.
What a engineer means when he says: MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH He means: It works OK, but looks very hitech.
What a engineer means when he says: PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL He means: Let’s spread the responsibility for the screw up.
What a engineer means when he says: CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION He means: We know who to blame.
What a engineer means when he says: CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED He means: We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.
What a engineer means when he says: A. Can’t Pass Again. He means:
What a engineer means when he says: ALL NEW He means: Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.
What a engineer means when he says: ENERGY SAVING He means: Achieved when the power switch is off.
What a engineer means when he says: LIGHTWEIGHT He means: Lighter than RUGGED.
What a engineer means when he says: LOW MAINTENANCE He means: Impossible to fix if broken
What a engineer means when he says: RUGGED He means: Too damn heavy to lift!
What a engineer means when he says: YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT He means: One finally worked.
What a engineer means when he says: EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM He means: We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
What a engineer means when he says: A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED He means: We are still pissing in the wind.
A doctor, an engineer, and a fungal taxonomist arrived at The Pearly Gates. The doctor said how he’d healed the sick, helped the lame? but he was a sinner and was sent to Hell. The engineer told how he’d built homes for the homeless, etc.? but he messed up the environment, so he was sent … Read more
A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The doctor remarked ”Well, in the Bible it says that God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in … Read more
A Engineer and an Programmer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Engineer leans over to the Programmer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Programmer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window … Read more
There were those three guys, a priest, a doctor and an engineer, and they were playing golf. But the group before them was extremely slow and at each hole they waited hours. Finally the priest asked around, why was that other group was so slow?He was told that they were very courageous firemen who saved … Read more
An engineer, an experimental physicist, a theoretical physicist, and a philosopher were hiking through the hills of Scotland. Cresting the top of one hill, they see, on top of the next, a black sheep. The engineer says: ”What do you know, the sheep in Scotland are black.” ”Well, *some* of the sheep in Scotland are … Read more
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What’s with these guys?We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude! Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. [dramatic pause] … Read more
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt … Read more
A student engineer in the office got engaged some time ago. At her wedding, I was reminding her of the first day she wore her ring. None of the other women in the office even noticed. Finally, in sheer and total exasperation, she said ”Boy !!! It’s so warm in here today, I think I’ll … Read more
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else … Read more