Question: How did the farmer mend his pants? Answer: With cabbage patches!
The farmer goes to town one day and happens to run into his old pal the tractor salesman. ”How’s business?” asks the farmer. ”Not very good, I haven’t sold a tractor in months, How are things on the farm?” asked the salesman. ”Well– The other day I went out to the barn to milk that … Read more
There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer: ”What do you use to feed your pigs?” ”Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?” ”Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don’t feed them … Read more
Why did the farmer call his horse Baseball?Because it’s covered with horsehide!
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?He wanted to see how much the milky weighed!
What do you call an Arab dairy farmer?A milk sheik.
A farmer, who went to a big city to see the sights, asked the hotel’s clerk about the time of meals. ”Breakfast is served from 7 to 11, dinner from 12 to 3, and supper from 6 to 8,” explained the clerk. ”Look here,” inquired the farmer in surprise, ”when am I going to get … Read more
Farmer Jones bought a herd of pigs from a Roman farmer who moved into the next valley and boy, is he sorry. The hogs won’t come to the feed trough unless he calls them in Pig Latin.
A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked. ”Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!” the farmer answered.
How does the pig farmer get to the fair?He rides piggyback.
Why was the farmer hopping mad ?Because someone had trodden on his corn !
What did the fat pig say when the farmer dumped corn mash into the trough?”I’m afraid that’s all going to waist.”
The blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. … Read more
An old farmer is driving down a country road in his pickup truck when it starts making an awful noise. He stops the truck and crawls underneath to investigate the problem. ”Hmmm…muffler’s loose. I bet I could fix that if I had a Monkey Wrench.” He says. He crawls out from underneath the truck and … Read more
How did the farmer find his lost cow?He tractor down
Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer. They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the … Read more
Q: How many French farmers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Three. Farmer #1 goes away and gets a new lightbulb. Farmer #2 notices that it has been imported from Britain and promptly sets fire to it, so farmer #1 has to go and get another one, and then farmer #3 changes … Read more
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, ”Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”. Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off … Read more
Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture?No! Did he hurt the cows?No, he just grazed them!
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some … Read more
What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?A dressmaker sews what she gathers, a farmer gathers what he sows.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard?Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
Farmer: What would you do if a bull charged you?Mary: I’d pay whatever it charged.
FARMER: Did you sleep well last night?GUEST: No, the bed was soft and the air was fresh, but an old sow kept pushing at the door. FARMER: Never mind her. She always gets upset when we rent out her room.
A farmer who’s been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim. ”I understand you’re claiming damages for the injuries you’re supposed to have suffered?” Stated the counsel for the insurance company. ”Yes, that’s right,” replied the farmer, nodding his head. ”You claim … Read more
Did you hear about the farmer you ploughed his field with a steamroller ?He wanted to grow mash potatoes!
There was a farmer who had a lot of live stock. He had cows, horses, chickens, pigs, and bulls. One day a terrible twister came and the man and his family were only saved by throwing themselves in the nearest ditch. After it was all over, he looked up to see that the house was … Read more
Farmer Brown decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Brown. ”Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?” asked the lawyer. Farmer Brown responded, ”Well I’ll tell you what … Read more
What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?You take me for grunted.
Did you hear about the farmer who fed crayons to his chickens?He wanted them to lay coloured eggs!
What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk ?An udder failure !
A man from the city is out plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground. A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. You need a mule to plow such wet ground he says. ”Where can I buy one?” he is … Read more
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow’s ear. The farmer didn’t think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one … Read more
A farmer was interviewing a young man for the job of assistant farmhand. `You’ll need to be fit,’ said the farmer. `Have you ever had any illnesses?Any accidents?’ ‘No, sir,’ replied the young man proudly. `But you’re on crutches. You must have had an accident!’ said the farmer. `Oh, the crutches!’ said the young man. … Read more
A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said, ”That’s once.” A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, ”That’s twice.” After a little, while the poor old horse … Read more
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor ?Wheres my tractor!
Why did the farmer fence in the bull?The farmer had too much of a steak in him to let him go!
An accountant is in a car travelling with a farmer client around his farm. They pass a large mob of sheep and the farmer says, ”You’re pretty good with numbers, Keith. How many sheep do you reckon are in that paddock?” The accountant looks at the sheep for a moment and says, ”One thousand, eight … Read more
If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather?An umbrella.
This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a rooster for $100. The neighbor says, ”You can have this rooster. His name’s Roy. He’ll get all your hens pregnant. He’s a real stud.” So the farmer takes him home and says, ”It’s … Read more
A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff’s office and … Read more
A hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds. They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the … Read more
Farmer Giles is so interested in conserving energy, he built a pig-powered car. He has to get rid of it, though. Every time he turns a corner, the tires squeal
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary. ”Let’s have a party, Homer,” she suggested. ”Let’s kill a pig.” The farmer scratched his grizzled head. ”Gee, Ethel,” he finally answered, ”I don’t see … Read more
On a drive in the country, a city slicker noticed a farmer lifting a pig up to an apple tree and holding the pig there as it ate one apple after another. ”Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about,” said the city slicker, ”but if you just shook the tree so the apples fell … Read more
What did the farmer say when all his cows charged him at once ?I’m on the horns of a dilemma here !
A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer’s soul the preacher asked the man, ”Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?” Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, ”Naw, these are soybeans.” … Read more
An agriculture student said to a farmer: ”Your methods are too old fashioned. I won’t be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples.” ”I won’t be surprised either,” said the farmer, ”this is an orange tree”.
A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field. Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. … Read more