Question: How can a fisherman determine how many fish he needs to catch to make a profit? Answer: By using a cod-ratic inequality.
Question: How do you communicate with a fish? Answer: Drop him a line!
Question: ”What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?” Answer: ”You can’t tuna fish.”
Question: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Answer: Swimming trunks.
Question: What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Answer: Dam!
Question: Why do fish live in salt water? Answer: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Question: Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Answer: Because they dropped out of school!
Question: What fish will a greedy fisher catch? A. Selfish!
Question: Which fish costs the most? A. A gold fish!
Question: Where do fish keep their money? A. In the riverbank.
Lee: I just swallowed a fish bone! Counselor: Are you choking?Lee: No, I’m serious!
What do romantic fish sing to each other?Salmon-chanted evening !
What kind of fish is useful in freezing weather ?Skate !
When fish play football, who is the captain?The team’s kipper!
Where do fish come from?Finland!
Why are sardines the stupidest fish in the sea ?Because they climb into tins, close the lid and leave teh key outside !
What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird’s leg and a hand ?Birdsthigh fish fingers !
What part of a fish weighs the most ?It’s scales !
How do you post a fish?You send it COD … or first bass mail
An old lady saw a little boy with a fishing-rod over his shoulder and a jar of tadpoles in his hand walking through the park one Sunday. ”Little boy,” she called, ”don’t you know you shouldn’t go fishing on a Sunday?” ”I’m not going fishing, ma’am,” he called back, ”I’m going home.”
What TV game show do fish like best?Name that tuna!
No matter what your mother always said, Chuck Norris can tune a fish.
What kind of a fish does your Parrot sit on?A Perch!
What did the fish do when his piano sounded odd?He called the piano tuna!
How do you communicate with a fish?You drop it a line!
Where do you go to meet the best fish?It doesn’t matter – any old plaice will do.
Do fish get thirsty?
The fishing season hasn’t opened and a fisherman who doesn’t have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks ”Any luck?” ”Any luck?This is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday” he boasts. ”Is that so?By the way, do you know who I am?” asks the stranger. … Read more
Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish. Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you. Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won’t make him truthful.
George went fishing, but at the end of the day he had not caught one fish. On the way back to camp, he stopped at a fish store. ‘I want to buy three trout,’ he said to the owner. ‘But instead of putting them in a bag, throw them to me.’ ‘Why should I do … Read more
Q: What you get when four men go fishing and one comes back not catching anything. A: Three Men And A Baby
What fish only swims at night ?A starfish !
Q:what did the fish say when he hit the concrete wall? A:Damn
Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly, ”I’ve suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War … Could you help me?” ”Of course,” … Read more
Bob is sitting on the ice all day fishing with no luck, not even a nibble. Cold and tired he is about to leave, when a guy walks up cuts a hole in the ice beside him, and starts pulling out fish as fast a he can drop his hook in the water. Bob can’t … Read more
Where do fish wash ?In a river basin !
Q. Where does a fish keep his money A. In the River Bank!
Fisherman: What are you fishing for sonny?Boy: I’m not fishing, I’m drowning worms.
Retired colonel, talking of the good old days: Have you ever hunted bear?His grandson’s teacher: No, but I’ve been fishing in shorts.
What do you call a literary fish?Salmon Rushdie!
One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, a businessman came walking down the … Read more
What’s the best way to catch a fish?Have someone throw it at you.
How much fishing tackle can a man accumulate before his wife throws him out?I don’t know the answer but I think I’m nearly there.
Fishing season hasn’t opened and a fisherman who doesn’t have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks: ”Any luck?” ”Any luck?This is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday,” he boasts. ”Is that so?By the way, do you know who I am?” asks the stranger. ”Nope.” … Read more
Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super. At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, … Read more
Which fish go to heaven when they die ?Angelfish !
‘Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?” asked Jane’s best friend. ”Why shouldn’t I?” said Jane. ”Well, maybe he is having an affair?” ”No way” said Jane ”he never returns with any fish…”
Which fish dresses the best?The Swordfish – It always looks sharp!
MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O’Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on afternoon, his cousin walked by. ”What are ye doing?” asked O’Bannon. ”Fishin’,” said MacAndrews. ”Caught anything?” ”Ach, nae a bite,” ”What are ye usin’ fer bait?” ”Worms” ”Let me see it,” said O’Bannon. … Read more
What fish make the best sandwich?A peanut butter and jellyfish