Question: What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Answer: Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
A Tampa father, son and grandson go out to the country club for their weekly golf. Just as they reach the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approaches them. She says the member who brought her to the club for golf had an emergency, and asks whether she can … Read more
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, ”No, no, no,” you’re gripping the club way too hard!” ”Well, what should I do?” asks the … Read more
Q: How many helicopters does it take for White House aides to go play a round of golf? A: Depends on how many were photographed.
What do you call an aardvark that’s good at golf?A paredvark!
Joe decides to take his boss Phil to play 9 holes on their lunch. While both men are playing excellent they are often held up by two women in front of them moving at a very slow pace. Joe offers to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. … Read more
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?When it’s been sliced.
A guy went out on the golf course took a high-speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground. When he finally got himself to the doctor, he said, ”How bad is it doc?I’m getting married next week, and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way.” The doc … Read more
One day, a grandpa and his grandson go golfing. The young one is really good and the old one is just giving him tips. They are on hole 8 and there is a tree in the way and the grandpa says, ”When I was your age, I would hit the ball right over that tree.” … Read more
Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. ”Bad day at the course?” his wife asked. ”Everything was going fine,” he said. ”Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee.” ”Oh, that’s awful!” ”You’re not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit … Read more
A Nun and her friend, Sarah were playing golf. Sarah misses a 3 foot putt and yells, ”Goddamn it, missed the bugger!” and the nun says, ”If you keep saying that then God will punish you.” Next hole Sarah misses a 2 foot putt and says ”Goddamn it, missed the bugger!” and the nun says, … Read more
Why don’t lawyers enjoy playing golf?Because it’s too much like work, what with all of the lying involved.
Golfer: ”Caddy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?” Caddy: ”The way you play, sir, it’s a sin any day of the week!”
Q: What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
A man and a couple of his friends had just finished a round of golf at the country club and they were changing their shoes when a cell phone on the bench rang. The man picked it up and answered it. ”Hi honey,” said the woman on the other end. ”Hi honey,” replied the man. … Read more
Golfer: ”This golf is a funny game.” Caddy: ”It’s not supposed to be.”
Bob and Tom both like to golf. One day Bob went to Tom and said, ”Hey look at this great ball!” Tom replied, ”What’s so great about it?” Bob said, ”Well if you lose it, it will beep until you find it, and if it goes into the water it will float. This ball is … Read more
A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she’d do. The blonde did so and competely duffed the shot. The pro said ”Your swing is good but you’re gripping the club too hard – grip the club gently as you … Read more
Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54.
After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, ”Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?” ”Yes,” the golfer responded. ”Did you … Read more
‘How was your golf game, dear?” asked Jack’s wife Tracy. ”Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight’s gotten so bad, I couldn’t see where the ball went.” ”You’re seventy-five years old, Jack!” admonished his wife. ”Why don’t you take my brother Scott along?” ”But he’s eighty-five and doesn’t even play golf anymore,” protested … Read more
Why did the Aggie take a golf club and a baseball glove storm chasing with him?-To golf the golf ball size hail and catch the baseball size hail
Two aliens landed their ship on a golf course and watched a young man golfing. First he hit it into the high grass, mumbling and cursing he retrieved his ball. Then he hit it into the sand bunker shouting curse words he retrieved the ball. Next he hit a perfect hole in one, then the … Read more
A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. The barman refuses to serve him. ”Why not,” asks the golf club. ”You’ll be driving later,” replies the bartender.
Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man … Read more
Who can beat any burger at golf?Any LINKS sausage!