A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he’s in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, ”Fill it up, will you?”. The man says ”Sorry – we’re right out of petrol.” So the man considers, and … Read more
Q: Did you hear about the 25 Irish people that drowned? A: They were riverdancing.
An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, ”Oy vey! What a wreck!” The priest asks him, ”Are you all right, Rabbi?” The Rabbi responds, ”Just a little shaken.” The priest pulls a … Read more
What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?One less drunk.
Q: How do you sink an Irish submarine? A: Knock on the hatch.
MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O’Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on afternoon, his cousin walked by. ”What are ye doing?” asked O’Bannon. ”Fishin’,” said MacAndrews. ”Caught anything?” ”Ach, nae a bite,” ”What are ye usin’ fer bait?” ”Worms” ”Let me see it,” said O’Bannon. … Read more
The Irish girl knelt in the confessional and said, ”Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.” ”What is it, child?” The girl said, ”Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.” The priest turned, took a good look … Read more
An Irish priest loved to fly fish, it was an obsession of his. So far this year the weather had been so bad that he hadn’t had a chance to get his beloved wadders on and his favourite flies out of their box Strangly though, every Sunday the weather had been good, but of course … Read more
Q: Have you heard about the Irish abortion clinic? A: There’s a 12-month waiting list.
An Irish couple, whose married bliss was not without a few ”squalls” received a humble lecture from their priest regarding their disgraceful quarrels. ”Why, that dog and cat you have agree better than you.” ”If yer reverence’ll tie them together, ye’ll soon change yer mind.”
Q: What’s Irish and sits outside in the summertime? A: Paddy O’Furniture!
Did you hear about the Irish monster who went to night school to learn to read in the dark?
A cop pulled up two Irish drunks, and asked to the first, ”What’s your name and address?” ”I’m Paddy O’Day, of no fixed address.” The cop turned to the second drunk, and asked the same question. ”I’m Seamus O’Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy.”
Two Irish friends greeted each other while waiting their turn at the bank window. ”This reminds me of Finnegan,” remarked one. ”What about Finnegan?” inquired the other. ”’Tis a story that Finnegan died, and when he greeted St. Peter, he said: ‘It’s a fine job you’ve had here for a long time.’ ‘Well, Finnegan,’ said … Read more
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. ”I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total”, says the Genie. The Scottish guy says, ”I am a fisherman, my Dad’s … Read more
Q: How can you identify an Irish pirate? A: He’s the one with patches over both eyes.
Q: Where does an Irish person go on a vacation? A: A new bar
What do you call a big irish spider ?Paddy long legs !