Question: Who was the most well known Jewish cook? Answer: Hitler!
Question: Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backwards? Answer: They like the part where the prostitute gives the money back.
A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the street corner for 15 cents a glass. He figures he’ll spend about 3 bucks on the ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and then drink the rest and get stomach aches. His eventual response: ”Go stand on the corner for … Read more
A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort – one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, ”Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.” The Jewish lady said, ”But your sign says that you have vacancies.” … Read more
A middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, ”So what would you like, Julie?A Jaguar?A sable coat?A diamond necklace?” She says, ”Bernie, I want a divorce.” He says, ”I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”
Q: Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus? A: He comes down the chimney, wakes up the children and says, ”Hey kids, do you want to buy some toys?”
Why don’t Jewish mothers drink?Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?An Italian mother says, ”If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill you.” A Jewish mother says, ”If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill myself.”
Did you hear about the Jewish doctor who gave a patient six months to live?When the patient couldn’t pay, the doctor gave him another six months.
Q. How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?A. When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.
What’s the object of a Jewish football game?To get the quarter back!
Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street. ”Oy, Abraham, I’m sorry to hear about that fire at your warehouse”. ”Ssh!” hisses the other, ”It’s not till next week”.
Q: How is Christmas celebrated in a Jewish home? A: They put parking meters on the roof!
Did you hear about the man who was half Jewish & half Italian?He made himself an offer he couldn’t understand.
The Captain was Jewish, and the new First Officer was Chinese. It was the first time they had flown together, and it was obvious by the silence that they didn’t get along. After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He said, ” I don’t like Chinese. ” The F.O. replied, ” Ooooh, no like Chinese?Why … Read more
A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: ”Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that … Read more
Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas?They all gather around their cash registers and sing ”What a Friend We Have In Jesus…”
A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray ”God, please help me, I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some … Read more
Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street. ”Well, Morrie, how’s your warehouse business going?” . ”Oy vey, Abraham, it’s not going so good, we had a flood last week.” ”So, Morrie,” whispers Abraham ”How do you start a flood?”.
Jewish telegram: ”Begin worrying. Details to follow.”
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and going to get married. He says, ”Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house … Read more