Make sure to write online!
1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream “Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt. 2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. 3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor … Read more
Have you been spending more and more time using the Internet? Have your cheeks taken on that pasty white glow from over-exposure to your computer monitor? How do you know if you’re addicted to the Net and losing touch with reality? Take the Net Addict’s Reality Test. Answer the following multiple choice questions and check … Read more
DOS Beer Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon … Read more
9.9999973251 It’s a FLAW, Dammit, not a Bug 8.9999163362 It’s Close Enough, We Say So! 7.9999414610 Nearly 300 Correct Opcodes 6.9999831538 You Don’t Need to Know What’s Inside 5.9999835137 Redefining the PC–and Mathematics As Well 4.9999999021 We Fixed It, Really 3.9998245917 Division Considered Harmful 2.9991523619 Why Do You Think They Call It *Floating* Point? 1.9999103517 … Read more
Program Manager A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their program manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off. Poof — out pops a genie.”Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison. I can grant … Read more
Things You Don”t Want Your System Admin To Say 1. Uh-oh… 2. Oh S***! 3. What the heck?!? 4. Go get your backup tape. (You DO have a backup tape?) 5. That”s SOOOOO bizarre. 6. Wow!! Look at this… 7. Hey!! The Suns don”t do this. 8. Terminated?!? 9. What software license?!? 10. Well, it”s … Read more
Computer Crashed My computer crashed and died today And I thought, “oh well what the hey” Now I”d have time to clean my house And see if I still had a spouse. It started out with weird frustrations Combined with mild heart palpitations And then my ankles began to swell Withdrawal symptoms from no AOL. … Read more
Microsoft ad space Microsoft announced that it is selling advertising space in the error messages that appear in Windows. Acknowledging for the first time that the average user of their operating system encounters error messages at least several times a day, Microsoft is trying to take financial advantage of the unavoidable opportunity to make an … Read more
Colombian computer joke Why did a group of Columbians run away from a computer lab. Because the computer said you have performed an illegal operation and will be shutdown.
‘My son is so lazy he hates emptying the trash in the recycle bin on his computer.