How do you make an apple turnover?
How do you make an apple turnover?Push it down hill.
Fruit Jokes
What is long and yellow and always points north?
What is long and yellow and always points north?A magnetic banana.
Why did Eve want to move to New York?
Why did Eve want to move to New York ?She fell for the Big Apple !
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt?
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt?An outboard apple.
Dad, do you like baked apples?
Dad, do you like baked apples?Yes son, why?The orchard’s on fire.
What is the difference between a banana and a bell?
What is the difference between a banana and a bell?You can only peel (peal) the banana once.
What did the Gorilla do with the apple he was holding?
What did the Gorilla do with the apple he was holding in his hands?He brought it to school and said, ‘An Ape-lle for the teacher!’
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can’t do?
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can’t do?It can look round.
Why are bananas never lonely?
Why are bananas never lonely?Because they hang around in bunches.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard?
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard?Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
They’re not going to grow bananas any longer. Really?
They’re not going to grow bananas any longer. Really?Why not?Because they’re long enough already.
The unlucky man who bought some bananas
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas?They were empty.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?A crab apple !
What did the apple say to the apple pie?
What did the apple say to the apple pie?”You’ve got some crust.”
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm?
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm?He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
What would you call two bananas?
What would you call two bananas?A pair of slippers.
How does an apple a day keep the doctor away?
How does an apple a day keep the doctor away?When you take careful aim.
Once upon a time there were five apples
Once upon a time there were five apples Which was the cowboy?None – because they were all redskins.
Why is a banana peel on the sidewalk like music?
Why is a banana peel on the sidewalk like music?Because if you don’t C sharp you’ll B flat.
Fred came rushing in to his Dad
Fred came rushing in to his Dad. ”Dad!” he puffed, ”is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?” ”That’s what they say,” said his Dad. ”Well, give me an apple quick ?I’ve just broken the doctor’s window!”
Mother Banan A: Why didn’t you go to school today?
Mother BananA: Why didn’t you go to school today?Little BananA: Because I didn’t peel well.
How do you catch King Kong?
How do you catch King Kong?Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside?
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside ?A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
Knock knock Who’s there?
Knock knock Who’s there?Banana. Banana who?Knock knock Who’s there?Banana. Banana who?Knock knock Who’s there?Orange. Orange who?Orange you glad I didn’t say banana ?
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana?
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana?She left him out in the sun too long.
Two girls were having their packed lunch
Two girls were having their packed lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said, ‘Watch out for worms won’t you !’ The first one replied, ‘why should I ?They can watch out for themselves.
What would you call two banana skins?
What would you call two banana skins ?A pair of slippers.
Why don’t bananas snore?
Why don’t bananas snore?Because they don’t want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Why did the banana go out with the prune?Because he couldn’t find a date.
Apple: You look down in the dumps. What’s eating you?
First apple: You look down in the dumps. What’s eating you?Second apple: Worms, I think.
How do you make an apple puff?
How do you make an apple puff?Chase it round the garden
Why didn’t the two worms go into Noah’s ark in an apple
Why didn’t the two worms go into Noah’s ark in an apple?Because everyone had to go in pairs !
Why don’t apples smile when you go bobbing?
Why don’t apples smile when you go bobbing ?Because they’re crab apples !
What’s the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg?
What’s the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg?Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
What do you do if you see a blue banana?
What do you do if you see a blue banana?Try to cheer it up.
What did the boy banana say to the girl banana?
What did the boy banana say to the girl banana?”You have a lot of appeal.”
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz?
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz?An electric banana.
If it took six pigs two hours to eat
If it took six pigs two hours to eat the apples in the orchard, how many hours would it take three pigs?None, because the six pigs have already eaten them all.
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report
After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker’s boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, ”If you had 4 apples and I asked for one, how many would you have left?” Quickly he replied, ”If it was you who asked, I’d still have 4 apples.”
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
What’s yellow and writes?
What’s yellow and writes?A ball-point banana.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split?
What is the easiest way to make a banana split?Cut it in half.
A Pittsburgh steel worker was driving through northern California
A Pittsburgh steel worker was driving through northern California’s apple country. He stopped at an orchard and asked the owner, ”How much are yer apples?” ”All you can pick for one dollar,” said the rancher. ”Okay,” said the Pennsylvanian. ”I’ll take two dollars’ worth.”
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight?
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight?Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
School lunches are not generally popular
School lunches are not generally popular with those that have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason. ”What kind of pie do you call this ?” asked one schoolboy indignantly. ”What’s it taste of ?” asked the cook. ”Glue!” ”Then it’s apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap.”
What is the left side of an apple?
What is the left side of an apple?The part that you don’t eat.
Two boys were eating a snack lunch
Two boys were eating a snack lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said, ”Watch out for worms won’t you!” The first one replied, ”Why should I?They can watch out for themselves.”
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. An onion?
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do?Keeps everyone away.
Tom: What did the banana say to the elephant?
Tom: What did the banana say to the elephant?Nick: I don’t know. Tom: Nothing. Bananas can’t talk.