Funny People Jokes

What is the definition of Death?


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Insurance agent to would-be client


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Customer: How come the Board of Health hasn’t come in and closed you up?


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Judge: ‘Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?


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A punk walked into a barber’s shop and sat in an empty chair. ‘Haircut, sir?


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Patron: Didn’t you tell me the chef here cooked for the late heads of Europe?


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There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs


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Waiter, Waiter there’s a fly in my ice-cream


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Worried because they hadn’t heard anything for days


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Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup ! Yes, it’s the rotting meat that attracts them !


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What did the judge say when a skunk entered the courtroom?


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How much for a haircut?


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What do you call an Arab dairy farmer?


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Boy monster: You’ve got a face like a million dollars ! Girl monster: Have I really?


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The Volunteer Fire Chief in a small town


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Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup!


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What do you get if you cross a newsreader and a toad?


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Diner: Why are the waiters in here so nasty?


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Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup! Keep it down sir, or they’ll all be wanting one.


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Policeman: Why didn’t you check your speedometer?


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You seem to have more than the average share of IQ


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And how did you find your steak sir?


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An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering


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Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered 2 drinks


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Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car?


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Fred: You have the face of a saint. Jill: Really?


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Patron: Waiter, why is there a spider in my glass?


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Farmer Jones bought a herd of pigs


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Who do you think was sent to cover the story of the baby lion born in the zoo?


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First Witch: I like your toad


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Waiter, my lunch is talking to me ! Well you did ask for a tongue sandwich !


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One day a lady was driving on the Highway


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My barber is a specialist in road map shaves. How come?


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How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


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How does the pig farmer get to the fair?


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If I had but one life to give for my country, it would be a lawyer’s.


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Why was the farmer hopping mad?


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A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman


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Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard.


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If a woman is born in Italy, grows up in England


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An old farmer is driving down a country road


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If – H 2 O – is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?


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How does a farmer send messages?


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Waiter, what is this creepy-crawly doing in my salad?


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Patient: Doctor, you have to help me stop talking to myself. Doctor: Why is that?


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What is posthumous work?


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Waiter, there is a fly in my bean soup


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If you cross a sports reporter with a vegetable?


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There was a huge fire at a big city soda factory


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Customer: look at this chicken! It’s nothing but skin and bones


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