If you cross a computer with a hamburger?
What do you get if you cross a computer with a hamburger?A big mac.
Technology Jokes
A technician advised his customer to put hisfloppy back
A technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer put the disk in, asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and closing the door to his room.
Which Lord Mayor of London was always on the Internet?
Which Lord Mayor of London was always on the Internet?Click Whittington
What did Hamlet say when he was thinking of sending a message?
What did Hamlet say when he was thinking of sending a message?To e or not to e, that is the question.
What do you call a fire at the Internet cafe?
What do you call a fire at the Internet cafe?An e-mergency.
Do you send e-mails on your home computer?
Do you send e-mails on your home computer?What’s the point?I can just bring my home along with me and have a chat.
Pupil: In other schools, pupils get a choice of pc to use
Pupil: In other schools, pupils get a choice of computers to use. Teacher: You get a choice her, too. Use the one we’ve got or don’t use any at all.
How does James Bond type e-mails?
How does James Bond type e-mails?With his goldfinger.
A technician received a call from a man
A technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn’t read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into his typewriter to type the labels.
How many Bill Gateses to change a lightbulb??
Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him.
Have you seen www.yawn.com?
Have you seen www.yawn.com?Yes, but I’m a bit tired of it.
What did you say to the policeman who spent eight hours on the Internet?
What did you say to the policeman who spent eight hours on the Internet?Oh give it arrest.
What’s the best city to search the World Wide Web in?
What’s the best city to search the World Wide Web in?Rome.
A Engineer and an Programmer are sitting next to each other
A Engineer and an Programmer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Engineer leans over to the Programmer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Programmer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window … Read more
What did one keyboard say to the other keyboard?
What did one keyboard say to the other keyboard?Sorry, you’re not my type.
Dear Boss, I hope I haven’t misunderstood your instructions
Dear Boss, I hope I haven’t misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me. At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following improved … Read more
What does a proud computer call his little son?
Q: What does a proud computer call his little son? A: A microchip off the old block.
I hear you’ve been tracing your ancestors on the internet
I hear you’ve been tracing your ancestors on the internet… Yes – and it’s a mammoth task!
How many Java programmers to change a lightbulb??
How many Java programmers does it take to change a light bulb?One, to generate a ”ChangeLightBulb” event to the socket.
What happened when the schoool bully went netsurfing?
What happened when the schoool bully went netsurfing?The goalkeeper kicked him out of the football ground.
How do Indian chiefs send messages?
How do Indian chiefs send messages?By teepee-mail!
How do sheep sign their e-mails?
How do sheep sign their e-mails?Ewes sincerely.
Where is the best place to buy computer software?
Where is the best place to buy computer software?Washington C.D
What did the sausage say when it couldn’t log on to the Internet?
What did the sausage say when it couldn’t log on to the Internet?If at first you don’t succeed Fry, Fry again
If Microsoft built cars
If Microsoft built cars you would need to restart your car, then it would perform illegal operations and crash.
How does Bill Gates enter his house?
Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house?A. He uses ”windows”.
Customer: I’ve been doing risk analysis
Customer: ”I’ve been doing risk analysis by hand for five years, and we finally got your program so we could do it automatically — but there’s a bug in it. The answers come out differently each time.” Tech Support: ”Sir, are you aware that our program uses Monte-Carlo analysis?” Customer: ”Of course I am. That’s … Read more
Which of the seven dwarfs use the Internet?
Which of the seven dwarfs use the Internet?Happ-e, Sleep-e, Grump-e, Dope-e and Sneez-e.
How do dolphins send messages?
How do dolphins send messages?By sea-mail.
This computer you charged me L950 for doesn’t work
This computer you charged me L950 for doesn’t work….and you said it would be trouble free. It is, I charged you L950 for the computer, but you’re getting all that trouble absolutely free!
If you play the Windows NT
I heard that if you play the Windows NT 4.0 CD backwards, you’ll get a satanic message. But the most frightening thing is that if you play it forward, it installs NT 4.0!
How do athletes send e-mails?
How do athletes send e-mails?On the Inter-sweat.
Teacher: Look at the state of the school computer
Teacher: Look at the state of the school computer. I want that screen cleaned so I can see my face in it! Pupil: But then it will crack and we won’t be able to use it at all.
Me: What is that noise?
Me: ”What is that noise?” Customer: ”Hey Martinez!! I’m on the phone! Cut it out!” Me: ”What was that?” Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Customer: ”It’s from a device.” Me: ”What kind of device?” Customer: ”I don’t know.” Me: ”Like a fax machine or something?” Customer: ”I don’t know. Someone is under house arrest … Read more
Do you want some help using the Internet, son?
Do you want some help using the Internet, son?No thanks, Dad, I can muck it up all by myself.
Why don’t you stamp e-mails?
Why don’t you stamp e-mails?Because your foot would go right through the computer screen!
Comments by Programmers when their programs don’t work
Comments made by Programmers when their programs don’t work: Strange… I’ve never heard about that. It did work yesterday. Well, the program needs some fixing. How is this possible? The machine seems to be broken. Has the operating system been updated? The user has made an error again. There is something wrong in your test … Read more
Customer: I think I’ve got a bug in my pc
Customer: I think I’ve got a bug in my computer. Repairman: Does your computer make a humming noise?Customer: Yes. Repairman: Then it must be a humbug!
I hope you’re not one of those pupils who spends all day on the net
I hope you’re not one of those pupils who spends all day on the Net and doesn’t get any exercise. Oh, no, miss, I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise either.
I use the internet to tell me what the weather’s like. How do you do that?
I use the internet to tell me what the weather’s like. How do you do that?I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it’s raining!
Want to buy a pocket computer?
Want to buy a pocket computer?No, thanks, I already know how many pockets I’ve got.
While trying to diagnose a problem over the phone
While trying to diagnose a problem over the phone I told the user to type out his autoexec.bat file. He said it said ”File not found”. I told him to do a dir. I asked him if he saw autoexec.bat listed. He said, ”Well it says autoexec, then there’s some spaces, but no dot, and … Read more
Since you’ve discovered the Internet
Since you’ve discovered the Internet, you don’t pay any attention to me! Who said that?
Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself with God
Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, ”Well Bill, I’m really confused on this one. It’s a tough decision? I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every … Read more
One guy was on duty in the main lab
One guy was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest and staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position only now she … Read more
How do Italian Chefs swap recipes?
How do Italian Chefs swap recipes?By Spaghett-e-mail!
How does the vicar explore the Internet?
How does the vicar explore the Internet?With the church mouse.
Customer: ”Why didn’t you tell me I have call waiting?
Customer: ”Why didn’t you tell me I have call waiting?” Tech Support: ”Sir, we have no way of knowing if you have call waiting.” Customer: ”Well, you should ask everybody!” Tech Support: ”Do you have call waiting?” Customer: ”What’s that?”
How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb?
Q: How does Bill Gates screw in a lightbulb? A: He doesn’t. He declares darkness the industry standard.
Customer: Hi, I’m supposed to pack [zip] my database
Customer: ”Hi, I’m supposed to pack [zip] my database and send it to you. What should I pack it in?”