Justin Bieber got 100,000 retweets for tweeting ”Live life full”. That’s just 3 random words. I’m going to try now. Jockstrap squirrel potatoes.
Question: What’s the first problem the Michael’s child will have in life? Answer: Figuring out which parent is his mother.
Question: What happens if life gives you melons? Answer: Your dyslexic
Andy: ”Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last night. I dreamed I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus girls in the world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, all dancing in a row.” Doctor: ”Hold it, Andy. That doesn’t sound so terrible.” Andy: Oh yeah?In the dream, I was the third girl from … Read more
What is life like for a wood worm ?Boring !
If I had but one life to give for my country, it would be a lawyer’s.
How many seasons are there in a dogs life ?Just one, the moulting season !
If it weren’t for pick-pocketers, I’d have no sex life at all.
How does a vampire get through life with only one fang?He has to grin and bare it.
A retired sergeant was asked: ”Well, how do you like civilian life?” ”Terrible,” he said gruffly, ”all those people around and nobody in charge!”
One woodworm met another. ”How’s life?” she asked. ”Oh, same as usual,” he replied, ”boring.”
Q: What are the best ten years of an Irishman’s life? A: Third grade.
A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom? the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on … Read more
As Bill was approaching mid-life, physically he was a mess. Not only was he going bald, but years of office work had given him a large pot belly. The last straw came when he asked a woman co-worker out on a date, and she all but laughed at him. That does it, he decided. I’m … Read more
Why don’t men have mid-life crises?They stay stuck in adolescence.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
Why, if the best things in life are free, the next-best things are so expensive?
How do you keep an imbecile happy all his life ?Tell him a joke when he’s a baby !
How did the hail stone describe it’s life?-It really has a lot of ups and downs
Yo mama so ugly The NHL banned her for life
What is every blonde’s ambition in life?To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
What is the meaning of life?All evidence to date suggests it’s chocolate.
Q: What were the three toughest years in Al Gore’s life? A: Grade six.
There once was an accountant who lived her whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people she worked for. In fact, she made sure that every job she did resulted in a win-win situation. One day while walking down the street she was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her … Read more
‘Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees. ”Yes, Sir,” the new employee replied. ”Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on. ”After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.”
What’s a skunk’s philosophy of life?Eat, stink and be merry!
How do you know you’re leading a sad life?When a nymphomaniac tells you, ”Let’s just be friends.”
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
God said ”Let there be life.” and Chuck Norris said ”Say please.”
Q.What are the worst six years in a blonde’s life? A: Third Grade.
Why does your brother wear a life jacket in bed?Because he sleeps on a waterbed !
‘Now my motto in life,” said the school chaplain, ”is work hard, play hard and pray hard. How about you, Harriet?” ”My motto is let bygones be bygones.” ”That’s good. Why did you choose that?” ”Then I wouldn’t have to take any history classes!”
“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees. “Yes, Sir.” the new recruit replied. “Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.” campaign970