How do you wake Lady Gaga up in the morning? A- you ”poke her face”
Question: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning? Answer: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
Question: What does Hillary do after she shaves her pussy every morning? Answer: Sends him to work!
Question: Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning? Answer: She wants to be the first lady.
Question: Why does Treasury only have 10 minutes for morning tea ? Answer: If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.
Question: What’s the next thing a soprano does in the morning? Answer: Looks for her instrument.
Question: What’s the second thing a soprano does in the morning? Answer: Looks for her instrument.
Question: What’s the first thing a soprano does in the morning? Answer: Puts on her clothes and goes home.
Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first floor of her house. Looking out of her window, she saw that the water was still rising. Two men passing by on a rowboat shouted up an invitation to row to safety with them. ”No, thank you,” Mrs. … Read more
Professor: I forgot to take my umbrella this morning. Wife: When did you first miss it, dear?Professor: When I reached up to close it after the rain had stopped.
Igor: Only this morning Dr Frankenstein completed another amazing operation. He crossed an ostrich with a centipede. DraculA: And what did he get?Igor: We don’t know – we haven’t managed to catch it yet.
Counselor: Wash your face. I can see what you had for breakfast. Henry: If you’re so smart, what did I have?Counselor: Eggs. Henry: Wrong. I had eggs yesterday!
One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said … Read more
Why are cats longer in the evening than they are in the morning?Because they’re let out in the evening and taking in in the morning !
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall. She showed him the … Read more
What do hamburger workers say on Monday morning?Well, it’s back to the old grind!
One morning this blonde calls her friend and says, ”Would you mind coming over and helping me out with this killer jigsaw puzzle I bought — I can’t figure out how to get started.” Her friend asks, ”What’s the puzzle of?” ”From the picture on the box, I’d guess it’s a tiger,” replied the blonde. … Read more
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient … Read more
What do cats read in the morning ?Mewspapers !
What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning ?An alarm cluck !
A man wakes up early one morning and decides to go Bear hunting. He tells his wife, ”You’ve got three choices? you can go Bear hunting with me, I’ll do you anally or you can give me a blowjob. I’m gonna load up the truck and get the dog out. Make up your mind before … Read more
Q: Why don’t Deputy Fire Marshals look out the window in the morning? A: So they have something to do in the afternoon.
Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A: They don’t have balls to scratch.
A man’s car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. ”Your trouble is probably in the carburetor,” said the cow. Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man told … Read more
Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning ?About an hour and a half after I arrived at school
‘I’m very sad to announce this morning, girls, that Miss Jones has decided to retire,’ said the principal at morning assembly. ‘ Now we will all stand and sing this morning’s hymn….now Thank We All Our God.’
At three o’clock one morning a veterinary surgeon was woken from a deep sleep by the ringing of his telephone. He staggered downstairs and answered the phone. ”I’m sorry if I woke you,” said a voice at the other end of the line. ”That’s all right,” said the vet, ”I had to get up to … Read more
Q: Why is the blonde’s brain the size of a pea in the morning? A: It swells at night.
Q: Did you hear about the new ”morning after” pill for men? A: It changes their blood type.
The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper. ”Steve,” his wife said, while reading the newspaper, ”it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to … Read more
Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and upon reading it burst into floods of tears. ”What’s the matter?” asked her companion. ”Oh dear,” sobbed Auntie, ”It’s my favorite nephew. He’s got three feet.” ”Three feet?” exclaimed her friend. ”Surely that’s not possible?” ”Well,” said Auntie, ”his mother’s just written to tell me he’s … Read more
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, ”What’s the matter?” To which she replies: ”Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.” The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl. ”Why don’t you go home. … Read more
Teacher: What’s big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mothers day?Pupil: The school bus!
One Sunday morning, the priest noticed Little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it. The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the priest walked … Read more
A sweet little boy surprised his grandmother one morning and brought her a cup of coffee. He made it himself and was so proud. He anxiously waited to hear the verdict on the quality of the coffee. The grandmother had never in her life had such a bad cup of coffee, and as she forced … Read more
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, ”You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle.” While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence. The next morning the man … Read more
How does a New York University psychology major turn on his lights in the morning?By opening the car door.
After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, ”Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to be a minister when I grow up. ”That’s okay with us,” the mother said, ”But what made you decide to be a minister?” ”Well,” the boy replied, ”I’ll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, … Read more
Your ugly. And you’re drunk. Yes, but in the morning I’ll be sober !
The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So…. he told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the associate pastor left … Read more