Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?
Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you ?Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money !
Mother Jokes
Why wouldn’t the piglet’s mother let her read romantic novels?
Why wouldn’t the piglet’s mother let her read romantic novels?She was afraid her daughter would run away with a wolf.
Mother: How do you like your new teacher?
Mother: How do you like your new teacher ?Son: I don’t. She told me to sit up the front for the present and then she didn’t give me one !
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
Why did the chick disappoint his mother ?He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be !
Janet came home from school and asked her mother
Janet came home from school and asked her mother if the aerosol spray in the kitchen was hair lacquer. ”No,” said Mom. ”It’s glue.” ”I thought so,” said Janet. ”I wondered why I couldn’t get my hat off today.”
Why can’t you make bread like my mother?
Why can’t you make bread like my mother?I would if you could make dough like your father!
Why are electric trains like a mother’s breasts?
Why are electric trains like a mother’s breasts?They were both designed for the kids, but it’s the fathers who are always playing with them.
A mother and her child were at a wedding
A mother and her child were at a wedding. A little boy looks at his mom and says, ”Mommy, why does the girl wear white?” His mom replies, ”The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.” The boy thinks about this, and then says, ”Well then, … Read more
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. ”Now what should I do?” His mother has an idea. ”Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?” He thought this was a great … Read more
MONSTER: TTry to be nice to my mother when she visits us this weekend
MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice to my mother when she visits us this weekend, dear. Fall down when she hits you.
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, ”You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly.” On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, ”Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?” ”Yes,” the boy’s mother answered. ”And how is your son now?” the psychiatrist asked. ”Who … Read more
On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire
On April Fools Day, a mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes. She blew her stack.
A mother moth was telling her baby moth off
A mother moth was telling her baby moth off saying, ”If you don’t eat all your cotton, you won’t get any satin.”
Mother: What did you learn in school today?
Mother: What did you learn in school today Son: How to write Mother: What did you write?Son: I don’t know, they haven’t taught us how to read yet!
Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with newspaper?
Q. Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with newspaper?A. Yes, if you wrap an iron in it.
Mother: What do you mean, the school must be haunted?
Mother: What do you mean, the school must be haunted ?Daughter: Well, the principal kept going on about the school spirit.
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, … Read more
Johnny was asked by his mother what he had learned on church
Johnny was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. ”Well, mum, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. ”When he got to the Red Sea he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the … Read more
Fred’s mother was on the telephone to the boy’s
Fred’s mother was on the telephone to the boy’s dentist. ”I don’t understand it,” she complained, ”I thought his treatment would only cost me $20, but you’ve charged me $80.” ”It is usually $20, ma’am,” agreed the dentist, ”but Fred yelled so loudly that three of my other patients ran away!”
The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple’s
The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple’s house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house to see her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door. ”What are you doing?” the mother-in-law asked. ”I am waiting for my husband to come home from work.” the daughter-in-law replied. ”Why are you naked?” asked the … Read more
I used to not get on with my mother-in-law
I used to not get on with my mother-in-law, but over the last few months I’ve developed quite an attachment for her. It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her mouth shut!
‘Is your mother home?
‘Is your mother home?” the salesman asked a small boy sitting on the steps in front of a house. ”Yeah, she’s home,” the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the … Read more
A mother was reading a book about animals
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: ”What does the cow say?” Child: ”Moo!” Mother: ”Great! What does the cat say?” Child: ”Meow.” Mother: ”Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her … Read more
Mother-in-law: I baked two kinds of cookies today. Would you like to take your pick?
Mother-in-law: I baked two kinds of cookies today. Would you like to take your pick?Son-in-law: No thanks. I’ll just use the hammer.
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new airplane in the living room. She heard her son said, ”All of you sons of bitches get the hell off the plane now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of … Read more
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?For smoking in bed.
What did the mother ghost say to the naughty baby ghost?
What did the mother ghost say to the naughty baby ghost?Spook when you’re spooken to.
Mother: I told you not eat cake before supper
Mother: I told you not eat cake before supper. Daughter: But, Mum, it’s part of my homework. ‘If you take an eighth of a cake from a whole cake, how much is left.
A witch who kills her mother and father
What do you call a witch who kills her mother and father?An orphan.
Fred: Have you noticed that your mother smells a bit funny these days?
Fred: Have you noticed that your mother smells a bit funny these days?Harry: No. Why?Fred: Well, your sister told me she was giving her a bottle of toilet water for her birthday.
Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish
Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
What did Baby Corn say to Mother Corn?
What did Baby Corn say to Mother Corn?Where’s Pop Corn?
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and going to get married. He says, ”Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house … Read more
Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: ”Mother said
Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: ”Mother said there would be knights like this.”
Little Johnny and his mother were on a train
Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his mother’s ear. ‘Johnny, how many times have I told you,’ said his mother, ‘ it’s rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out loud.’ ‘OK, said Johnny, ‘why does the lady over there … Read more
What did the young witch say to her mother?
What did the young witch say to her mother?Can I have the keys to the broom tonight?
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for mother’s day?
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for mother’s day?What did they do?They threw a sowprize party.
What did the blonde’s mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl?
What did the blonde’s mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl?”Just flush it like everybody else does.”
My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday. How is she now?
My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday. How is she now ?She’s fine. But, the dog died.
A St. Louis mother telephoned the capital building
A St. Louis mother telephoned the capital building over in Jefferson City and asked to speak to the game warden. After being switched from office to office, a voice finally said, ”Hello.” ”Are you the game warden?” she asked. ”Yes.” ”Finally Ah’ve got the right person!” she said. ”Could yaw’l gimme some help with my … Read more
Mother: Did you make your bed today?
Mother: Did you make your bed today?Daughter: Yes, Mom, but I think it would be easier to buy one.
Meg’s mother was visiting her daughter at camp. ‘How did you find the steak dinner?
Meg’s mother was visiting her daughter at camp. ‘How did you find the steak dinner?’ she asked. ‘With a magnifying glass!’
Why does a mother carry her baby?
Why does a mother carry her baby?The baby can’t carry the mother.