Question: What do you get when a pig and a chicken bump into each other? A. Ham and eggs!
Question: What’s the difference between a pig and a symphony orchestra conductor? Answer: There are some things a pig just isn’t willing to do.
Why did the little piglet fall in love with the hog?Because he was such a sloppy dresser.
What do you get if you cross a pig and a telephone ?A lot of crackling on the line !
MOTHER PIG: What did you learn in school today?FIRST PIGLET: Oink! Oink! SECOND PIGLET: Oink! Oink! THIRD PIGLET: Woof! Woof! MOTHER PIG: What?THIRD PIGLET: I’m taking a foreign language.
There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer: ”What do you use to feed your pigs?” ”Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?” ”Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don’t feed them … Read more
Why is the cook worried about catching his runaway pig?He knows a little ham goes a long way.
Is lunch the favorite subject of piglets?No, it’s theatre. They love to ham It up and hog all the attention.
Mama Pig has a great, new kitchen appliance that lets her prepare meals ahead. It’s called a garbage compactor.
What position does the pig play in football?Loinback.
What did the pig say when he found a line of ants in his trough?”Mmm. Canapes.”
Why did the little pig try to join the Navy?He loved to sing, ”Oinkers Aweight”
What do you call a pig with the flu?A swine swine.
Do pigs like Backgammon?No, they prefer their backs scratched.
Why won’t pigs take up jogging?They don’t like to get that far from the table.
Farmer Jones bought a herd of pigs from a Roman farmer who moved into the next valley and boy, is he sorry. The hogs won’t come to the feed trough unless he calls them in Pig Latin.
A pig’s favorite movie: The Monster That Ate New York.
How does the pig farmer get to the fair?He rides piggyback.
What do you say to a naked pig?”I never sausage a body.”
What did the fat pig say when the farmer dumped corn mash into the trough?”I’m afraid that’s all going to waist.”
Doctor, doctor, I’ve got a little sty. Then you’d better buy a little pig.
Where do bad pigs go?They get sent to the pen.
Why did the piglets get in trouble in their stained glass class?They stained it with mud.
Why do pigs like February 14th?They get lots of Valenswines.
Why did the pig join the Army?He heard the food was a mess.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig ?A boar constrictor !
What do you call the story of The Three Little Pigs?A pig tail!
Why do pigs have flat snouts?From running in to trees.
What do you call an oversize motorcycle for pigs?A hog hog.
Two pigs robbed a bank. Why were they caught so quickly?They squealed on each other.
What do pigs do on nice afternoons?They go on pignics.
What do you call a pig thief?A hamburglar!
What did the mama pig say when junior pig bought a basket of wormy apples?”Don’t tell the farmer. He might charge us extra.”
What do you do for a pig with sore muscles?Rub him with oinkment.
CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig cooler?WAITER: Sure, spray him with a hose.
Where do retired pigs go for warm weather?The tropigs!
What do you call a lady pig planting seeds?A sow sow.
What would a pig name a chain of food stores?”Stop ”N Slop Markets”
SOW: Would you like a nice cake with three candles for your party?PIGLET: I’d rather have three cakes and one candle.
CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig shake?WAITER: Tell him the wolf is coming.
Why is your dad chasing those pigs through the garden?We’re raising mashed potatoes.
What’s that pig doing in the middle of the road with a red light on its head?Didn’t you tell me to put out a stop swine?
If you drop this book in a pig pen, what should you do?Take the words out of their mouths.
The kids are crazy about a new piglet toy. When they wind it up, it eats all the spinach off their plates.
Why did the pig send his story to New York?He wanted to be published on Pork Avenue.
What kind of tie does a pig wear ?Pig’s tie !
What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?You take me for grunted.
Did you hear of the pig who began hiding garbage In November?She wanted to do her Christmas slopping early.
Pigs don’t look very smart to me. Sure, they are. You ever see a sow try to make a silk purse out of a farmer’s ear?
What did the pig call a manuscript?A shoat story.