Question: How does a math professor propose to his fiancιe? Answer: With a polynomial ring!
Question: How do you know when you’ve reached your Math Professors voice-mail? Answer: The message is ”The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please, rotate your phone by 90 degrees and try again…”
A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day’s lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil. ”And who was it … Read more
A student comes to a young professor’s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. ”I would do anything to pass this exam.” She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. ”I mean…” she whispers, ”…I would do…anything.” He returns her gaze. ”Anything?” ”Anything.” His … Read more
Housekeeper: Professor, there’s a bill collector at the door. I told him you were out. But he wouldn’t believe me. Professor: No?Then I suppose I’ll have to go and tell him myself.
Professor: I forgot to take my umbrella this morning. Wife: When did you first miss it, dear?Professor: When I reached up to close it after the rain had stopped.
Did you hear about the Penn State professor who went around in a revolving door for six hours because he couldn’t remember whether he was going in or coming out?
Professor: A wise man doubts everything. Only a pin-head is positive. Student: Are you sure of that, sir?Professor: Positive.
Do you think, Professor, that my wife should take up the piano as a career?No, I think she should put down the lid as a favor.
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his … Read more
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, ”Why do we have to learn this pointless information” ”To save lives.” the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. ”So how does physics save lives?” he persisted. … Read more
Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon?Student: When you can’t get your jeans over your thighs.
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. ”In English,” he said, ”A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back of the … Read more
Biddle and Payne, two elderly English professors, were having lunch in the cafeteria. During the course of the conversation, Biddle said, ”A student gave me a peculiar answer in class today. I asked who wrote the Merchant of Venice and a sophomore said, ”Please, sir, it wasn’t me!” ”Ha, ha!” laughed Payne. ”And I suppose … Read more
And then there was the UCLA professor who opened up his vest, pulled out his tie and wet his pants.
What did the dog do with the history professor?They got together and talked over old times.
Did you hear about the Western Kentucky professor who kissed the door goodbye and slammed his wife as he went by?
Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet! Wife: Didn’t you feel a hand in your pocket?Professor Yes, but I thought it was mine!
An English professor wrote the words, ”woman without her man is a savage” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: ”Woman, without her man, is a savage.” The women wrote: ”Woman: Without her, man is a savage.”
A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: ‘Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?’ ‘Yes,’ the professor ansvered. ‘When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, … Read more
Q. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?A. Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
A Mississippi professor was at a party and became indignant when asked if college professors were absent-minded. ”Professors haven’t got bad memories,” he declared. ”They’re not absent-minded. Don’t you think I know where I am right now, and don’t you think tomorrow I’ll know where I was last night?Would somebody like to ask me another … Read more
‘Professor, I hear your wife has had twins. Boys or girls?” ”Well, I believe one is a girl and one is a boy but it may be the other way around.”
The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the … Read more
Did you hear about the Louisiana Tech professor who stood in front of a mirror for two hours, wondering where he’d seen himself before?