I like my girl to be Hannah on the streets but Miley in the sheets.
Question: What streets do ghosts haunt? Answer: Dead ends!
Question: What kind of streets do zombies live on? A. Dead-ends.
Question: You’re driving down a road and see your director and an actor crossing the street in front of you. Which one do you hit first, and why? Answer: Your director–business before pleasure.
If you are standing in the main street of Amsterdam, and can’t see the clock tower of the Central Railway Station, that means it is raining. If you can see the clock tower, that means it is about to rain.
The garbage men were just about to leave the street when a girl came running out of the house carrying some cardboard boxes. ‘Am I too late for the garbage ?’ she called. ‘No,’ replied one of the men, ‘jump right in !’
Kelso met Hensley on the street. ”Hey!” said Kelso, ”how come I never hear from you?Why don’t you call me on the telephone?” ”You ain’t got no tellyphone!” said Hensley. ”I know,” said Kelso. ”But you do!”
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, ”Hmmm, this person looks familiar.” The second blonde says, ”Here, let me see!” So the first Blonde hands her the compact. She looks in the … Read more
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
Dewey and Odell met on the Brownsville main street. ”Say,” said Dewey, ”Ah hurd yew and yore wife is goin’ ta night school ta take Spanish lessons. How cum?” ”Uh huh,” answered Odell. ”We went and adopted us a little Mexican baby, and we wanna be able ta understand him when he gets old enough … Read more
The President is running down the street one day, and he sees a little girl who is giving away puppies that her dog just had. He goes up to the girl and says, ”Little girl, I think that it’s wonderful that you’re doing such a good thing.” The little girl says, ”Thank you, Mr. Clinton. … Read more
What kind of street does a ghost like best?A dead end.
Three old ladies met on the street on a very stormy day. The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty in hearing each other. ”It’s windy,” said one. ”No, it’s Thursday,” said the next. ”So am I,” said the third. ”Let’s go and have a drink!”
Lady:(standing in the middle of a busy street) Officer, can you tell me how to get to the Hospital?Officer: Just stand where you are!!!
Two Irishmen were walking down the street with two salmon each under their arms. Two other Irishmen walking in the opposite direction see the two lucky fishermen and ask ” how did you catch those ?” Well its like this! Michael here holds my legs over the bridge, and I grab the salmon as they … Read more
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say ”Wow, is it Halloween already?”
A blonde walks down the street and sees a banana peel a hundred yards ahead, and she sighs. ”Here we go again.”
Tourist: Is this 99 Main Street?Resident: No, it’s 66, but we turn it upside down to confuse people.
Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery?He’s so happy that he’s giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, ”I’ve got to take you in, sir. You’re obviously drunk” The wasted wino asked, ”Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?” ”Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. ”Let’s … Read more
Chuck Norris doesn’t look both ways before he crosses the street… he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up and says, ”Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?” The Saudi says, ”What’s a shortage?” The Russian says, ”What’s meat?” The North Korean says, ”What’s an opinion?” The … Read more
A guy walking down a street one afternoon passes an old man sitting on the side of the road with a large sack. The younger guy says to the old man, ”Watcha got in the sack?” The old man responds, ”I got some monkeys in that there sack.” The younger man asks, ”If I guess … Read more
An Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which … Read more
Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street. ”Oy, Abraham, I’m sorry to hear about that fire at your warehouse”. ”Ssh!” hisses the other, ”It’s not till next week”.
A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the man moves closer … Read more
One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. ”Welcome to Heaven,” said St.Peter. ”Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a … Read more
There’s a brunette standing in the middle of a street jumping up and down, counting ”57, 57, 57.” A blonde walks up to her and decides that this game could be fun. She asks the brunette if she can play too and the brunette says, ”Sure.” So the two jump up and down counting ”57, … Read more
One day there were these three boys walking down the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: ‘HELP! HELP!’ When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first boy how he could ever repay him. … Read more
A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, ”Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim.” The crowd made way … Read more
There was a guy walking down the street in San Francisco, and he tripped over an old looking oil lamp. He picked it up and hid it under his jacket, because he thought it was priceless. While he was running to the antique shop to cash this puppy in, it rubbed against his shirt. POOF! … Read more
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. The Democrat … Read more
A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, ” Officer, I’m so glad you are here. I … Read more
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: ”Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.” The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile … Read more
Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street. ”Well, Morrie, how’s your warehouse business going?” . ”Oy vey, Abraham, it’s not going so good, we had a flood last week.” ”So, Morrie,” whispers Abraham ”How do you start a flood?”.
What time is it when five dogs are chasing a cat down the street?Five after one.
A young man was strolling down a street. As he passed a large building with a fence around it, he heard a group of people chanting ”Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen” over and over again. Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but couldn’t. Then he spotted a hole in the wood. He put his eye … Read more
A German woman is walking down the street. Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her. She screams, ”Nein! Nein!” So two guys walk away.
Did you hear about the two podiatrists who opened their offices on the same street?They were arch enemies.
Q: Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, ”Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?” A: The other replies, ”That was no piccolo, that was my fife.”
A man is walking down the street when he hears a voice, ”Pssst you come over here!” He looks round and can see no one but an old mangy greyhound. ”yes over here!” Said the greyhound ”Look at me I’m tied up here, I should be racing I won 14 races in my carrer you … Read more
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, ”Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same … Read more
Democrats’ favorite Christmas movie is ”Miracle on 34th Street.” Republicans’ favorite Christmas movie is ”It’s a Wonderful Life.” Right-Wing Republicans’ favorite Christmas movie is ”Die Hard.”
There are three beggars begging on Wall Street. The first beggar wrote ”Beggar” on his broken cup. He received $10.00 after one day. The next day, the second beggar wrote ”Beggar.com” on his cup. After one day, he received hundreds of thousands of dollars and an offer to float an IPO on NASDAQ. The following … Read more
Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader’s table. Said the mysterious old woman, ”For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future.” Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, ”I … Read more
What is a dog who crosses the street twice in an hour?A double crosser.
Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a street corner? A: 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!