Question: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children? Answer: `I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times…’
Question: What famous celebrity had the most children over the last 10 years? Answer: Michael Jackson.
Question: Mary’s mum had three children. One was called April, the second was May. What was the name of the last one? A. Mary!
Question: Why did the children eat their homework? A. Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Question: What happened to Bach after he had 20 children? Answer: His Organ Baroque!
Question: Why did Bach have so many children? Answer: His organ had no stops.
Andy was away from school for 2 days because he had a flu. On the third day when he went back to school, his teacher told him how he felt. I feel with my hands Miss !
A whole family was caught in a small boat during a sudden storm off the shores of Florida, but towed to safety in Fort Lauderdale by the ever alert U.S. Coast Guard. ”I always knew God would take care of us,” said the composed five year old daughter of the boat owner after the family … Read more
‘William, I’ve been told that you have been fighting with the boys next door,’ said mum. ‘yes, but they’re twins, so I wanted some way to tell the apart.’
John kept pestering his parents to buy a video, but they said they couldn’t afford one. So one day John came home clutching a package containing a brand-new video. ‘Where in the World did you get the money to pay for that ?’ asked his father suspiciously. ‘It’s OK, Dad,’ replied John, ‘I’ve traded the … Read more
Son to his father as they watch television: ”Dad, tell me again how when you were a kid you had to walk all the way across the room to change the channel.”
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?Dating children.
Did you hear about the boy who was known as Fog ?He was dense and wet !
The teacher asked Simon to say his name backwards. ”No mis” he replied
Did you hear about the boy who wanted to run away to the circus ?He ended up in a flea circus !
On a special teacher’s day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shooked it, held it over her head, and said, ”I bet I know what it is – flowers!” ”That’s right!” said the boy, ”but how did you know?” ”Just a wild guess,” she … Read more
An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. ”How did that happen?, ” gasped her mother. ”It wasn’t easy,” admitted the young lady, ”but three girls helped me catch him!”
Mother: Let me see your report son. Son: Here it is, Mother, but don’t show it to Dad. He’s been helping me !
Ben’s dad was building a pine bookshelf and Ben was watching and occasionally helping. ‘ What are the holes for ?’ Ben asked. ‘They’re knot holes,’ said his dad. ‘What are they, then, if they’re not holes ?’ asked Ben.
A little boy walked down the aisle at a wedding. As he made his way to the front, he would take two steps, then stop, and turn to the crowd, alternating between the bride’s side and the groom’s side. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. And so … Read more
‘You boy !’ called a policeman.’ Can you help ?We’re looking for a man with a huge red nose called Cotters……’ ‘Really ?’ said the boy. ‘What’re his ears called ?’
A certain little boy had been spanked by his father one morning. When his dad came in from the office that evening, the boy called out sulkily, ‘ Mum ! your husband’s just come home.’
Q: Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children? A: They’d read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.
Mrs Jones: Now, remember, children, travel is very good for you. It broadens the mind. Betty, muttering: If you’re anything to go by, that’s not all it broadens!
I don’t think my Mom knows much about children. Why do you say that?Because she always puts me to bed when I’m wide awake, and gets me up when I’m sleepy!
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, ”I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, ”But no one knows what God … Read more
‘What were you before you came to school, boys and girls?” asked the teacher, hoping that someone would say ”babies.” She was disappointed when all the children cried out, ”Happy!”
Fred: Where does the new kid come from?Harry: Alaska. Fred: Don’t bother – I’ll ask her myself.
Why were ancient Egyptian children confused?Because their daddies were mummies.
‘Mum, there’s a man at the door collecting for the Old Folk’s Home. Shall I give him Grandma ?’
Young Vestal was walking in his Florida backyard when an alligator bit him. ”Mama!” yelled the boy. ”A gator jus’ bit off mah foot!” ”Which one?” called his mother from inside the cabin. ”How the hell should Ah know?!” he shrieked. ”They all look alike to me!”
Mother: Did you get a good place in the geography test?Fred: Yes, Mum, I sat next to the cleverest kid in the class.
Little Johnny’s class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, ”it was so nice of you to put my daddy’s picture up there.”
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you’ve only drawn the cow ?Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !
Why was the mother flea feeling down in the dumps?Because she thought her children were all going to the dogs.
A little girl was next in line. ‘My name’s Curtain,’ she said. ‘I hope your first name is not Agnate ?’ ‘No, it’s velvet !’
A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. ”Davy, what noise does a cow make?” ”It goes moo.” ”Alice, what noise does a cat make?” ”It goes meow.” ”Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?” ”It goes baaa.” ”Jennifer, what … Read more
On the first day at school the girls were sizing each other up and boasting, trying to make good impressions on each other. ‘I come from a one-parent family,’ said one little girl proudly. ‘That’s nothing. Both my parents remarried after they got divorced. I come from a four parent family !’
‘Why are you crying, Ted ?’ asked his mum. ‘Because my new sneakers hurt.’ ‘That’s because you have put them on the wrong feet.’ ‘But they are the only feet I have.’
Mum: From now on your going to have free school dinners. Son:But, Mum, I don’t want three school dinners, one is more than enough !
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mother.
Father: What did you learn in school today ?Son: That three and three are seven. Father: Three and three are six ! Son: I guess I didn’t learn anything today then !
Teacher: ”Why do we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” Student: ”So we know when to start Christmas shopping!”
Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children a dachshund?He wanted a dog they could all pet at once.
A mother was teaching her 3-year-old the Lord’s prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. ”Lead us not into temptation,” she prayed, … Read more
If six children and two dogs were under an umbrella, how come none of them got wet?Because it wasn’t raining.
A man out for a walk came across a little boy pulling his cat’s tail. ‘Hey you!’ he shouted, ‘ don’t pull the cat’s tail !’ ‘I’m not pulling !’ replied the little boy. ‘I’m only holding on – the cat’s pulling !’
A man is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the man moves closer … Read more
A father is asked by his friend, ”Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?” ”Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector,” he replies To this his friend responds, ”Strange ambition to have for a career.” ”Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!”
A little kid is sitting on a park bench eating abag of chocolates an old man walking by stops to say that if he continues to eat like that he won`t live very long? indignantly the kid says ” oh yeah my grandfather lived to be 104 years old” the old man replies ”i’m sure … Read more