I hosted the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner on Saturday night. The entertainment was me and President Obama. He was very funny, and made jokes about the fact that he ate a dog. Some people thought it was undignified for the president to joke about that. Personally, I feel like once you eat a dog, … Read more
Question: What does Ellen DeGeneris cook for dinner every night? Answer: She doesn’t, she eats out!
Question: Why won’t the circles invite the ellipses over for dinner? Answer: They are too eccentric.
Question: What two countries should the chef use when he’s making Christmas dinner? A. Turkey and Greece.
Question: What did the ghosts eat for dinner? A. Spoke!
Question: What did the skeleton say after dinner? A. ”Everything I eat goes right through me!”
Question: Where does Adelle go for dinner? A. A-Dell Taco.
Q. What did the cannibal’s wife give her husband when he came home late for dinner?A. The cold shoulder.
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner? A: Reservations.
A middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, ”So what would you like, Julie?A Jaguar?A sable coat?A diamond necklace?” She says, ”Bernie, I want a divorce.” He says, ”I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”
Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other ”I don’t like your friend.” The other one said, ”Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables.”
What should you do if you have a basset hound over for dinner?Have a short table!
At dinner, Seth said to his father, ”Dad, I got into trouble at school today and it’s all your fault.” ”How’s that?” asked the master of the house. ”Remember I asked you how much $500,000 was?” ”Yeah, I remember.” ”Well, ‘a helluva lot’ ain’t the right answer.”
What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner?Thank you, I’ll just have a slither.
What’s a moo hoo for a cattle dinner?Cow chow!
FIRST MONSTER: Am I late for dinner?SECOND MONSTER: Yes, everyone’s been eaten.
At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: ‘Is this pig?’ Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: ‘Which end of the … Read more
A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner one night. The waiter tells them the night’s special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. ”The chicken sounds good? I’ll have that,” the woman says. The waiter nods. ”And the vegetable?” he asks. ”Oh, he’ll have the fish,” she replies.
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, ”I forgot my teeth.” The man said, ”No problem.” With that he … Read more
The cannibal king was having dinner when a servant came running in. ”Your Majesty,” he said, ”the slaves are revolting!” ”You don’t have to tell me,” said the king. ”I’m trying to eat them. ”Where did we get these slaves anyway?” ”From the country next door,” replied the servant. ”We must get a new butcher,” … Read more
Cannibal Boy: I’ve brought a friend home for dinner. Cannibal Mom: Put him in the fridge and we’ll have him tomorrow.
A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. ”Nothing,” said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again. ”Seriously, what’s wrong?” ”Do you really want to know?Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for … Read more
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make: He’d just signed up at an army recruiter’s office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. ”Oh, come on, quit pulling … Read more
Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them: I need three important people to send my message out to all the people: ”Tomorrow I will destroy the earth.” Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: ”I have two really bad news items for you: … Read more
Sister: Mom wants you to come in and help fix dinner. Brother: Why?Is it broken?
Why are football players never asked for dinner?Because they’re always dribbling!
‘What’s the matter with your dinner ?” ”Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor later what I’ve eaten !”
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to … Read more
Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?A. A power failure.
Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let … Read more
Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner?He was exceeding the feed limit!
Waiter, waiter! What’s this creepy crawly thing doing in my dinner?Oh, that one ?he comes here every night.
What does a snowman eat for dinner?Ice-burgers.
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she’ll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, ”Who the hell was that?” ”Oh,” replies the husband, ”she’s my … Read more
First cannibal: Come and have dinner in our but tonight. Second cannibal: What are you having?First cannibal: Hard-boiled legs.
What do sea monsters have for dinner?Fish and ships.
Meg’s mother was visiting her daughter at camp. ‘How did you find the steak dinner?’ she asked. ‘With a magnifying glass!’
What is smaller than an ant’s dinner ?An ant’s mouth !