Another scandal hit the White House today. A report found that the government has been secretly collecting the phone records of Verizon customers. I knew something was up when I said, ‘You hang up first.’ Then my wife said, ‘No, YOU hang up first!’ Then Obama said, ‘Uh, how about you just hang up at … Read more
A man jumped the White House fence, but after a brief chase, the Secret Service was able to talk President Obama into coming back and finishing his term. —Conan O’Brien
I hosted the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner on Saturday night. The entertainment was me and President Obama. He was very funny, and made jokes about the fact that he ate a dog. Some people thought it was undignified for the president to joke about that. Personally, I feel like once you eat a dog, … Read more
On Saturday the White House released President Obama’s personal recipe for a home-brewed beer. That’s how bad the economy is. Not only is our president drinking, he’s drinking beer he made in his bathtub. –Jimmy Kimmel
President Obama is brewing his own beer in the White House. Actually, the White House beer is a lot like the Obama administration – great buzz, weak finish. –Jay Leno
The good news for the White House is that unemployment has dropped to 7.8 percent, right where it was when President Obama took office. So Obama has gone from ‘Change you can believe in’ to ‘Can you believe there’s no change.’ –Jay Leno
Question: What will Bill Clinton be known as when he leaves the White House? A. The President after Bush Question: Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?
Question: What’s the new game there playing in the White House? Answer: Swallow the Leader
Question: What time is it when you see costumes, a house, candy and hear trick-or-treat? A. Halloween!
Question: What key opens a Haunted House? A. A spooKEY!
Question: What kind of TV do you find inside a haunted house? A. A wide scream TV.
Question: If a red house is made out of red brick, and a blue house is made of blue bricks what is a green house made of? A. Glass.
Question: If the red house is in the left and the blue house is on the right, where is the white house ? A. Washington DC.
Question: There is a one story house and everything in it is blue. The walls are blue, the ceiling is blue and the floor is blue. What color are the stairs? A. There are no stairs in a one story house!
Question: There was a green house. Inside the green house there was a white house. Inside the white house there was a red house. Inside the red house there were lots of babies. What is it? A. A watermelon!
Question: There is a black house, grey house, red house, yellow house, green house and brown house. What colour house does President Obama live in? A. The White House!
Question: In a green house lives a green man and in the pink house lives a pink man. Who lives in the white house? A. The president.
Question: The peak on my house is going east and west and slopes North and South. A rooster is on the peak and lays an egg, which way did the egg roll? A. Roosters don’t lay eggs
Q . what did the sign on the whore house say? A: Beat it we are closed
Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of the House Gingrich, and President Clinton are traveling in a car together in Kansas. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away. They all fall into a daze. When they come to and extract themselves from the vehicle, they … Read more
What reindeer can jump higher than a house?They all can! Houses can’t jump!
Did you hear about the lady whose house was infested with Easter eggs?She had to call an eggs-terminator!
Q: How many helicopters does it take for White House aides to go play a round of golf? A: Depends on how many were photographed.
A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and she agreed. He asked her if she knew his company,Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products … Read more
Young Bradley arrived at his date’s house wearing a shirt that had water dripping from it. ”What’re you doin’?” asked his girlfriend. ”How come your shirt is soakin’ wet?” ”Well,” said Bradley, ”it said on the label: WASH AND WEAR.”
Yo mama house so small that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.
Q: When will there be a woman in the White House? A: When Hillary leaves town.
Yo mama’s house is so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
Yo mama house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.
I don’t think this whole White House scandal is good for parents. I caught my six year old son David in a lie, and he said we could discuss it tonight in a ”National Town Meeting.”
Why is a ghost like an empty house?Because there’s no body there!
A stupid man was struggling out of his house with a big table. His neighbor said to him, ”Hello, Harry. Where are you going with that then?” And Harry replied, ”I’m taking it to the store to have it measured for a new tablecloth.”
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family’s 6 year old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She … Read more
A man was staying in a big old house and in the middle of the night he met a ghost. The ghost said, ”I have been walking these corridors for 300 years.” The man said, ”in that case, can you tell me the way to the toilet?”
A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he’s … Read more
Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house?A. He uses ”windows”.
When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house ?When the door is open !
Yo mama’s so stupid that she burned down the house with a CD burner.
Q: How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House? A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
How does a vampire clean his house?With a victim cleaner.
Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, ”Fellas, I got real problems. I’m seventy years old. Every morning at seven o’clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps.” The … Read more
Q: Why doesn’t Bill like old houses? A: He’s afraid of the draft.
Surveyor: This house is a ruin. I wonder what stops it from falling down. Owner: I think the woodworm are holding hands.
These two newfies are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over … Read more
A neighbour bumped into Jenny playing outside her house after dark. ‘Hello, Jenny,’ said the neighbour. ‘Isn’t it time for little girls to be in bed?’ ‘How would I know?’ asked Jenny. ‘I haven’t got any little girls.’
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: ”Jesus is watching you!” Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. ”Jesus is watching you,” the voice boomed … Read more
Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
Q: When is a strange dog most likely to go into your house?– A: When the door is open.
Henry’s son, David, burst into the house, crying. His mother asked him what the problem was. ”Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while he was reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away.” ”Now come on, David,” his mother said, ”a big boy like … Read more
Yo mama so poor I stepped in her house and I was in the backyard.