Jokes

Sally was puzzled recently by the odd messages she kept getting on her voice mail. Day after day, all she’d hear, from friends, family, and customers alike, would be their message and then they’d ALL say, “BEEP.” She discovered the solution to the BEEP riddle when she dialed her own phone number and listened to … Read more

Why do turkeys always go, “gobble, gobble”? Because they never learned good table manners!  campaign970

What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him! campaign970

What’s a Pilgrim’s favorite kind of music? Plymouth Rock! campaign970

Why did the turkey cross the road? Because the chicken got Thanksgiving off! campaign970

Two hydrogen atoms bumped into each other recently. One said: “Why do you look so sad?” The other responded: “I lost an electron.” Concerned, One asked “Are you sure?” The other replied “I’m positive.” campaign970

For years, three men were stranded on a desert island. One day, a magic lamp washed on to the beach. They rubbed the lamp, and a genie appeared that granted each man a wish. “I wish I was off this island and back with my family,” said the first man, and he disappeared. “I also … Read more

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could to get to Sunday School. As she ran, she prayed. “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late. Dear Lord, please don’t let me late…” …. at this moment she tripped and fell, getting her clothes dirty. She got up, … Read more

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant with his wife. The waiter approaches, the guy asks for “a table for two”. As they are waiting for a table to be prepared, his wife cant help to notice a fish tank full of beautiful tropical fish. The wife turns to her husband and demands that she … Read more

Physics Teacher: “Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?” Student: “Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.” campaign970

No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man. The game warden asked him how he did it so the man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day … Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of … Read more

Sal: Have you heard the one about the mountain? Jen:  Yes, it is just a big bluff. campaign970

Quiz show host:  How many successful parachute jumps must a paratrooper make before he graduates? Contestant:  All of them. campaign970

A teacher called for sentences using the word “beans.” “My father grows green beans,” said the star student. “My mother cooks lima beans,” said another pupil. Then a third student added:  “We are all human beans.” campaign970

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves. The day after that, the duck walks in the … Read more

Dad:  Billy, what did you learn in school today? Billy:  I learned to say, “Yes, sir,” “No, sir,” “Yes, Ma’am,” and “No, ma’am.” Dad:  You did? Billy:  Yep! campaign970

Tim:  “I haven’t slept for days.” Jim:  “Wow, you must be tired.” Tim:  “Not really.  I sleep nights.” campaign970