What did the sign on the whore house say?
Q . what did the sign on the whore house say? A: Beat it we are closed
Dirty Jokes
A guy waiting at the bus stop wearing chains
A guy waiting at the bus stop wearing chains, leather jaket, and leather pants and his hair in long spikes each a different color. An old man at the bus stop looked and looked at the guy, finally, the guy said to the old man: ”haven’t you ever done anything crazy and wild in your … Read more
What’s the ultimate rejection?
What’s the ultimate rejection?When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Did you hear the one about the blonde?
Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that ”love handles” referred to her ears?
What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? A: Way to go team.
A husband and wife love to golf together
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, ”No, no, no,” you’re gripping the club way too hard!” ”Well, what should I do?” asks the … Read more
During a funeral for a woman who had henpecked
During a funeral for a woman who had henpecked her husband, drove her kids half nuts, scrapped with the neighbors at the slightest opportunity, and even made neurotics of their cat and dog with her explosive temper. As the casket was lowered into the grave, a violent thunderstorm broke, and the pastor’s benediction was drowned … Read more
What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
Q: What do a dildo and soy beans have in common? A: They are both substitute meats.
Scott finally got his girlfriend into bed
Scott finally got his girlfriend into bed, and things were going hot and heavy. ”Slow down, baby,” she said. ”Foreplay is an art.” ”You better get your canvas ready soon,” he panted, ”because I’m about to spill my paint!”
What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common? A: Men usually miss all three.
What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?
Q. What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg? A: Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
The blonde was at the blood bank
The blonde was at the blood bank and sold a pint of blood. As she was leaving counting her $25, a man was leaving counting his money. He had $40. She asked if he had some rare blood type that he got more than she did. He said no, that he had donated sperm. The … Read more
How does a horny guy spell relief?
Q: How does a horny guy spell relief? A: B-L-O-N-D-E.
This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a
This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, ”Is it true that if you pull your finger out, I’ll sink?”
An elderly man visits his doctor
An elderly man visits his doctor. ”Doctor, I would like you to examine me to see if I am sexually fit.” ”Very well, let me see your sex organs, please.” The aged patient replied o.k. ”And stuck out his index finger and his tongue.”
Three Friends an Italian a German and a Greek
Three Friends an Italian a German and a Greek they decided to bet it’s other 100 euros who is going to make their wives scream more from sex. So they all go home to have sex with their wives so they make them scream. The next day the meet. The Italian says, ”I made love … Read more
An old couple in an old folks home
An old couple in an old folks home are having an affair, nothing much they just sit watching TV late at night while the old woman holds the old mans dick. Then suddenly the old man ends the affair because of another woman. The old woman’s distraught and yells, ”WHAT’S THIS OTHER WOMAN GOT THAT … Read more
Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?
Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?She knows she’s given her last blow job.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?Slow down and use a lubricant.
One day, little Mikey comes home from kindergarten
One day, little Mikey comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also … Read more
What can you find in a man’s pants?
Q: What can you find in a man’s pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it? A: a $20 bill
A blonde that can suck a golfball through a water hose
Q: What do you call a blonde that can suck a golfball through a water hose? A:Sweetheart!
At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate
At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, ”I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by … Read more
Why do men become smarter during sex?
Q: Why do men become smarter during sex? A: Because they are plugged into a genius.
The president got off the helicopter
The president got off the helicopter in front of the White House with a baby hog under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said, ”Nice pigs, sir”. The president replied, ”These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback hogs. I got one for Hillary and I got one for Chelsea.” … Read more
What do you call 4 blondes laying on the beach?
Q: What do you call 4 blondes laying on the beach? A: Public access.
A market researcher called at a house
A market researcher called at a house and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and she agreed. He asked her if she knew his company,Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products … Read more
What did the blonde say during a porno?
Q: What did the blonde say during a porno? A: ”There I am!”
This women had a magic mirror
This women had a magic morror from which anything you wanted you got,so one day she stood in front of the mirror and said I wish i had bigger breasts and it happened so then she ran down stairs to show her husband he was so amazed that he ran up stairs and stood infront … Read more
Mom’s have Mother’s Day, Father’s have Father’s Day. What do single guys have?
Q: Mom’s have Mother’s Day, Father’s have Father’s Day. What do single guys have? A: Palm Sunday.
The difference between a blonde and an ironing board
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? A: It’s difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
If it weren’t for pick-pocketers, I’d have no sex life at all.
If it weren’t for pick-pocketers, I’d have no sex life at all.
What happens if you put the Energizer Bunny’s batteries in backwards?
What happens if you put the Energizer Bunny’s batteries in backwards?He keeps coming and coming and coming…
Why do blondes have orgasms?
Q: Why do blondes have orgasms? A: So they know when to stop having sex.
Why don’t men fake orgasm?
Q: Why don’t men fake orgasm? A: Coz no man would pull those faces on purpose.
An American tourist went into a restaurant
An American tourist went into a restaurant in a Spanish provincial city for dinner, and asked to be served the specialty of the house. When the dish arrived, he asked what kind of meat it contained. ”Senor, these are the cojones,” the waiter replied. ”The what, you say?” exclaimed the tourist. ”They are the testicles … Read more
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?Sexual harassment.
Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
Why is it called a Wonder Bra?When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.
Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint? A: It’s not real bright, but it’s cheap, and spreads easy.
What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common? A: They’ve both swallowed a lot of semen.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man? A: It’s cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Why did god give blonde’s 2 more brain cells than he gave cows?
Q: Why did god give blonde’s 2 more brain cells than he gave cows? A: So they wouldn’t shit all over when you played with their tits.
How do you get a blonde pregnant?
Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant? A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
Why do farts smell so bad?
Why do farts smell so bad? So the deaf can enjoy them too.
An angry husband returned home one night
An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man. ‘What are you doing’ he shouted. To which his wife said to her lover ‘See, I told you he was stupid’
Two teenagers wander off to the bushes
Two teenagers wander off to the bushes during a softball game on the outskirts of town and start necking. After a while the boy stops. ”You know we’ve been doing this for a few weeks now and I think it’s time we went all the way,” he pleads. ”Well, maybe,” she says, ”But I’m a … Read more
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15
A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom? the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on … Read more
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the … Read more
A father, mother, and son were going to Europe
A father, mother, and son were going to Europe and were going to visit the nude beaches while they were there. They didn’t want the son to get a distorted view of beauty, so they told him that the men with really big dicks were really really dumb, and that the woman with really big … Read more