How do you make a tissue dance?
Question: How do you make a tissue dance? Answer: Put a little boogey in it!
Jokes for Kids and Children
How do you make holy water?
Question: How do you make holy water? Answer: Boil the hell out of it!
How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
Question: How many books can you put in an empty backpack? Answer: One! After that its not empty!
How do you repair a broken tomato?
Question: How do you repair a broken tomato? Answer: Tomato Paste!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Question: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Answer: Tentacles.
What bow can’t be tied?
Question: What bow can’t be tied? Answer: A rainbow!
How do baseball players stay cool?
Question: How do baseball players stay cool? Answer: They sit next to their fans.
How do crazy people go through the forest?
Question: How do crazy people go through the forest? Answer: They take the psycho path.
What did the blanket say to the bed?
Question: What did the blanket say to the bed? Answer: Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!
How do you communicate with a fish?
Question: How do you communicate with a fish? Answer: Drop him a line!
How do you drown a Hipster?
Question: How do you drown a Hipster? Answer: In the mainstream.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Question: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Answer: Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
What can go up a chimney down, but can’t go down a chimney up?
Question: What can go up a chimney down, but can’t go down a chimney up? Answer: An umbrella.
What can you serve but never eat?
Question: What can you serve but never eat? Answer: A volleyball.
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Question: Did you hear the joke about the roof? Answer: Never mind, it’s over your head!
What concert costs 45 cents?
Question: What concert costs 45 cents? Answer: 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
Have you heard the joke about the butter?
Question: Have you heard the joke about the butter? Answer: I better not tell you, it might spread.
What did Bacon say to Tomato?
Question: What did Bacon say to Tomato? Answer: Lettuce get together!
How did the farmer mend his pants?
Question: How did the farmer mend his pants? Answer: With cabbage patches!
What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
Question: What did one elevator say to the other elevator? Answer: I think I’m coming down with something!
What did the alien say to the garden?
Question: What did the alien say to the garden? Answer: Take me to your weeder.
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn’t move?
Question: What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn’t move? Answer: The road!
How do you shoot a killer bee?
Question: ”How do you shoot a killer bee?” Answer: ”With a bee bee gun.”
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
Question: ”What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?” Answer: ”You can’t tuna fish.”
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
Question: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? Answer: The lettuce was a ”head” and the tomato was trying to ”ketchup”!
What exam do young witches have to pass?
Question: What exam do young witches have to pass? Answer: A spell-ing test!
What gets wetter the more it dries?
Question: What gets wetter the more it dries? Answer: A towel.
What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
Question: What goes up and down but doesn’t move? Answer: The temperature!
What goes up when the rain comes down?
Question: What goes up when the rain comes down? Answer: An umbrella.
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly?
Question: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? Answer: It barked with de-light!
What happens if life gives you melons?
Question: What happens if life gives you melons? Answer: Your dyslexic
What dog keeps the best time?
Question: What dog keeps the best time? Answer: A watch dog.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
Question: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Answer: Every morning you’ll rise and shine!
What has one head, one foot and four legs?
Question: What has one head, one foot and four legs? Answer: A Bed
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Answer: Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant?
Question: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Answer: Swimming trunks.
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Question: What do you give a dog with a fever? Answer: Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!
What does a nosey pepper do?
Question: What does a nosey pepper do? Answer: Gets jalapeno business!
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter?
Question: What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Answer: Jellyfish!
What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay?
Question: What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay? Answer: A deviled egg!
What kind of key opens a banana?
Question: What kind of key opens a banana? Answer: A monkey!
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?
Question: What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? Answer: A turkey!
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?
Question: What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Answer: Flood lights!
What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
Question: What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Answer: Sneakers.
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in?
Question: What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? Answer: A water bed!
What kind of button won’t unbutton?
Question: What kind of button won’t unbutton? Answer: A bellybutton!
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup?
Question: What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Answer: Firecrackers!
What pet makes the loudest noise?
Question: What pet makes the loudest noise? Answer: A trum-pet!
What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
Question: What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? Answer: A sour puss!
What has one horn and gives milk
Question: What has one horn and gives milk Answer: A milk truck.