Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
Question: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? Answer: He worked it out with a pencil.
Math Jokes
How do you call a one-sided nudie bar?
Question: How do you call a one-sided nudie bar? Answer: A Mobius strip club.
How do you call the largest accumulation point of poles?
Question: How do you call the largest accumulation point of poles? Answer: Warsaw!
How does a math professor propose to his fiancιe?
Question: How does a math professor propose to his fiancιe? Answer: With a polynomial ring!
How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?
Question: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children? Answer: `I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times…’
How is an artificial christmas tree like the fourth root of -68?
Question: How is an artificial christmas tree like the fourth root of -68? Answer: Neither has real roots.
How do you know when you’ve reached your Math Professors voice-mail?
Question: How do you know when you’ve reached your Math Professors voice-mail? Answer: The message is ”The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please, rotate your phone by 90 degrees and try again…”
How do you make seven an even number?
Question: How do you make seven an even number? Answer: Take the s out!
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie?
Question: How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? Answer: 3.142
How many molecules in a bowl of guacamole?
Question: How many molecules in a bowl of guacamole? Answer: Avacado’s Number
What did one geometry book say to the other?
Question: What did one geometry book say to the other? Answer: Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
What do you call a broken record?
Question: What do you call a broken record? Answer: A Decca-gone
What do you call a crushed angle?
Question: What do you call a crushed angle? Answer: A Rectangle (wrecked angle)
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
Question: What do you call a number that can’t keep still? Answer: A roamin’ numeral.
What did the acorn say when he grew up?
Question: What did the acorn say when he grew up? Answer: Gee, I’m A Tree!
What did the acorn say when it grew up?
Question: What did the acorn say when it grew up? Answer: ge om a tree!
What did the baby tree say when it looked in a mirror?
Question: What did the baby tree say when it looked in a mirror? Answer: Gee-Om-A-Tree.
What did the complementary angle say to the isosceles triangle?
Question: What did the complementary angle say to the isosceles triangle? Answer: Nice Legs
What did the mathematician’s parrot say?
Question: What did the mathematician’s parrot say? Answer: A poly ”no meal”
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Question: What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse? Answer: Hexagon
What do people who whine a lot and 3 points have in common?
Question: What do people who whine a lot and 3 points have in common? Answer: They are both coplaners
What does a mathematician do about constipation?
Question: What does a mathematician do about constipation? Answer: He works it out with a pencil.
What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?
Question: What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest? Answer: A high-pot-in-use
What do you call an angle which is adorable?
Question: What do you call an angle which is adorable? Answer: acute angle
What does Geometry and my dick have in common?
Question: What does Geometry and my dick have in common? Answer: They’re both hard for you.
What do you call more than one L?
Question: What do you call more than one L? Answer: A Parallel
What do you call people who like tractors?
Question: What do you call people who like tractors? Answer: Protractors
What do you get if you add two apples and three apples?
Question: What do you get if you add two apples and three apples? Answer: A middle school math problem!
What do you get if you cross a math teacher with a crab?
Question: What do you get if you cross a math teacher with a crab? Answer: Snappy answers.
What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Question: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Answer: Pumpkin Pi
What do you get when you cross geometry with McDonalds?
Question: What do you get when you cross geometry with McDonalds? Answer: A plane cheeseburger.
What is non-orientable and lives in the ocean?
Question: What is non-orientable and lives in the ocean? Answer: Mobius Dick.
What is normed, complete, and yellow?
Question: What is normed, complete, and yellow? Answer: A Bananach space…
What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
Question: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher? Answer: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work – the philosopher can do without the trash bin.
What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
Question: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza? Answer: A large pizza can feed a family of four
What is the most erotic number?
Question: What is the most erotic number? Answer: 2110593!
What is the world’s longest song?
Question: What is the world’s longest song? Answer: ”Aleph-nought Bottles of Beer on the Wall.”
What kind of tree does a math teacher climb?
Question: What kind of tree does a math teacher climb? Answer: Geometry
What does the zero say to the the eight?
Question: What does the zero say to the the eight? Answer: Nice belt!
What happened to the plant in math class?
Question: What happened to the plant in math class? Answer: It grew square roots.
What should you do when it rains?
Question: What should you do when it rains? Answer: Coincide
Where do circles, ellipses, hyperbolas and parabolas like to hang out in the summer?
Question: Where do circles, ellipses, hyperbolas and parabolas like to hang out in the summer? Answer: Coney Island.
Where do math teachers go on vacation?
Question: Where do math teachers go on vacation? Answer: To Times Square.
Which triangles are the coldest?
Question: Which triangles are the coldest? Answer: Ice-sosceles triangles.
Who invented the Round Table?
Question: Who invented the Round Table? Answer: Sir Cumference.
Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle?
Question: Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle? Answer: They were right for each other.
Why did I divide sin by tan?
Question: Why did I divide sin by tan? Answer: Just cos.
Why couldn’t the moebius strip enroll at the school?
Question: Why couldn’t the moebius strip enroll at the school? Answer: They required an orientation.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Question: Why do they never serve beer at a math party? Answer: Because you can’t drink and derive…
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
Question: Why couldn’t the angle get a loan? Answer: His parents wouldn’t cosine