How does a young man become a member of a high school chorus?
Question: How does a young man become a member of a high school chorus? Answer: On the first day of school he turns into the wrong classroom.
Movie and TV Jokes
How does a singer change a light bulb?
Question: How does a singer change a light bulb? Answer: She/he holds it and the world revolves around her/him.
Did you hear about the planeload of conductors en route to the European Festival?
Question: Did you hear about the planeload of conductors en route to the European Festival? Answer: The good news: it crashed. Answer: The bad news: there were three empty seats on board.
Generally speaking, how late does a band play?
Question: Generally speaking, how late does a band play? Answer: About two beats behind the drummer.
How are musicians like linoleum?
Question: How are musicians like linoleum? Answer: Lay them good once and you can walk on them forever.
How can you tell if a Wagnerian soprano is dead?
Question: How can you tell if a Wagnerian soprano is dead? Answer: The horses all seem relieved.
How do you know if a singer is at the front door?
Question: How do you know if a singer is at the front door? Answer: She can’t find her key.
How do you know when deadheads have been staying with you?
Question: How do you know when deadheads have been staying with you? Answer: They’re still there.
How do you put a sparkle in a soprano’s eye?
Question: How do you put a sparkle in a soprano’s eye? Answer: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
How do you tell if a tenor is dead??
Question: How do you tell if a tenor is dead?? Answer: The wine bottle is still full and the comics haven’t been touched.
How do you tell if a Wagnerian soprano is dead?
Question: How do you tell if a Wagnerian soprano is dead? Answer: The horses seem very relieved.
What’s the difference between a musician and a pizza pie?
Question: What’s the difference between a musician and a pizza pie? Answer: The pizza can feed a family of four.
Why can’t many vocalists get through the door?
Question: Why can’t many vocalists get through the door? Answer: They either can’t find the key or don’t know when to come in.
Why do musicians have to be awake by six o’clock?
Question: Why do musicians have to be awake by six o’clock? Answer: Because most shops close by six thirty.
Q:What’s the difference between a musician and a mutual fund?
Question:What’s the difference between a musician and a mutual fund? Answer:The mutual fund eventually matures and earns money.
Hey, buddy, how late do the filkers play?
Question: ”Hey, buddy, how late do the filkers play?” Answer: ”Oh, about half a beat behind…”
A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road
Question: A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road. which one do you run over first, and why? Answer: The conductor. Business before pleasure.
How many reggae musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Question: How many reggae musicians does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Light bulb? We spent da’ money on spliffs, mon!
What would a musician do if he won a million dollars?
Question: What would a musician do if he won a million dollars? Answer: Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
What’s the difference between a conductor and a stagecoach driver?
Question: What’s the difference between a conductor and a stagecoach driver? Answer: The stagecoach driver only has to look at four horses’ asses.
How is a savings bond like a musician?
Question: How is a savings bond like a musician? A. Eventually it may mature and make some money.
How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Question: How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A. Seven – one to change it and the other six to sing about how much better the old one was.
What do you call a musician without a significant other?
Question: What do you call a musician without a significant other? A. Homeless.
What’s the definition of an optimist?
Question: What’s the definition of an optimist? A. A folk musician with a mortgage.
How are sopranos defying the laws of astrophysics?
Question: How are sopranos defying the laws of astrophysics? Answer: The center of the universe shifts with every step they take.
How many Musician jokes are there?
Question: How many Musician jokes are there? Answer: Just one — all the rest are true!!
What’s the difference between a pig and a symphony orchestra conductor?
Question: What’s the difference between a pig and a symphony orchestra conductor? Answer: There are some things a pig just isn’t willing to do.
What is the difference between the men’s final at Wimbledon and a high school choral performance?
Question: What is the difference between the men’s final at Wimbledon and a high school choral performance? Answer: The tennis final has more men.
What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain’s mind?
Question: What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain’s mind? Answer: His teeth.
What were Kurt Cobain’s last words?
Question: What were Kurt Cobain’s last words? Answer: ”Hole is really going to be big.”
What will it take to reunite The Beatles?
Question: What will it take to reunite The Beatles? Answer: Three more bullets.
What would Jerry Garcia be doing, if he were alive today?
Question: What would Jerry Garcia be doing, if he were alive today? Answer: Clawing at the lid of his coffin.
What’s the definition of a male quartet?
Question: What’s the definition of a male quartet? Answer: Three men and a tenor.
What’s the definition of an alto?
Question: What’s the definition of an alto? Answer: A soprano who can sight-read.
What’s the definition of an assistant conductor?
Question: What’s the definition of an assistant conductor? Answer: A mouse trying to become a rat.
What’s the difference between a conductor and a sack of shit?
Question: What’s the difference between a conductor and a sack of shit? Answer: The sack.
What’s the difference between a dressmaker and an alto?
Question: What’s the difference between a dressmaker and an alto? Answer: The dressmaker tucks up the frills.
What is the difference between a high school choral director and a chimpanzee?
Question: What is the difference between a high school choral director and a chimpanzee? Answer: It’s scientifically proven that chimpanzees are able to communicate with humans.
What is the difference between a soubrette and a cobra?
Question: What is the difference between a soubrette and a cobra? Answer: One is deadly poisonous, and the other is a reptile.
What is the difference between a world war and a high school choral performance?
Question: What is the difference between a world war and a high school choral performance? Answer: The performance causes more suffering.
What do deadheads say when they run out of pot?
Question: What do deadheads say when they run out of pot? Answer: What is this awful music?
What do you have when a group of conductors are up to their necks in wet concrete?
Question: What do you have when a group of conductors are up to their necks in wet concrete? Answer: Not enough concrete.
What do you see when you look up an alto’s dress?
Question: What do you see when you look up an alto’s dress? Answer: A tenor.
What does a good conductor weigh?
Question: What does a good conductor weigh? Answer: 28 ounces, not counting the urn.
What does it say on a blues singer’s tombstone?
Question: What does it say on a blues singer’s tombstone? Answer: ”Well…I didn’t wake up this mornin’…”
What happened to Bach after he had 20 children?
Question: What happened to Bach after he had 20 children? Answer: His Organ Baroque!
How is a soubrette different from a sewer rat?
Question: How is a soubrette different from a sewer rat? Answer: Some people actually like sewer rats.
How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
Question: How many altos does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: None. They can’t get that high!
How many basses does it take to change a lightbulb?
Question: How many basses does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer: None. They’re so macho they prefer to walk in the dark and bang their shins.
How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Question: How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Three. One to change the bulb and two to sing about the old one.