What did the computer say to the student writing an essay?
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Student Jokes
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Question: What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse? Answer: Hexagon
Why was the student afraid of the y-intercept?
Question: Why was the student afraid of the y-intercept? Answer: She thought she’d be stung by the b.
What did the student say after the teacher said, Order students, order?
Question: What did the student say after the teacher said, ”Order students, order?” A. ”Can I have fries and a burger?”
Why was the student’s report card wet?
Question: Why was the student’s report card wet? Answer: It was below C level!
Why did the student bring scissors to class?
Question: Why did the student bring scissors to class? A. He wanted to cut class!
Why did the student drown?
Question: Why did the student drown? A. All her grades were below C-level!
Why did the students study in the aeroplane?
Question: Why did the students study in the aeroplane? A. Because they wanted higher grades.
How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
Question: How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: I’m writing my dissertation on that topic I should have an answer for you in about 5 years.
Cessn A: Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot
CessnA: ”Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.” Tower: ”Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!” CessnA: ”Uh…tower, I am on the south ramp? I just want to know where the fuel truck is.”
A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended
A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school’s ”zero-tolerance” policy…not to be confused with the ”zero-intelligence” policy.
A student comes to a young professor’s office hours.
A student comes to a young professor’s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. ”I would do anything to pass this exam.” She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. ”I mean…” she whispers, ”…I would do…anything.” He returns her gaze. ”Anything?” ”Anything.” His … Read more
A young naval student was being put through the paces
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain. ”What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?” asked the captain. ”Throw out an anchor, sir.” replied the naval student. ”What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?” asked the captain. ”Throw out … Read more
What do you get if you cross a student and an alien?
What do you get if you cross a student and an alien ?Something from another universe -ity !
Arvil was coming out of the Texas University student
Arvil was coming out of the Texas University student building when he was stopped by two coeds. ”Would you like to become a Jehovah’s Witness?” asked one of the girls. ”No, I really couldn’t. I didn’t see the accident.”
The difference between an American student and an English student
What’s the difference between an American student and an English student ?About 3000 miles !
Student showing off his new apartment to friends,
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. ”What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked. ”That is the talking clock,” the man replied. ”How’s it work?” the friend asked. ”Watch,” the student said then proceeded to give the … Read more
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?None. Light bulb changing isn’t in the course notes.
How many graduate students to change a lightbulb??
Q: How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but it may take him/her more than five years to do it.
What do college students and deer have in common?
Q: What do college students and deer have in common? A: They both stand in the middle of the road and stare at your headlights.
A student was heading home for the holidays
A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, ”I’d like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London.” The confused agent said, ”I’m sorry, … Read more
Pilot: ”Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot
Pilot: ”Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.” Tower: ”Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!” Pilot: ”Uh…tower, I am on the south ramp? I just want to know where the fuel truck is.”
What do you call ten Utah State law students standing ear to ear?
What do you call ten Utah State law students standing ear to ear?A wind tunnel.
Student l: ‘Did you know that ghosts are protected by the Constitution?
Student l: ”Did you know that ghosts are protected by the Constitution?” Student 2: ”They are?” Student 1: ”Sure. It’s in the Bill of Frights!”
A nurse was showing some student nurses
A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital. ”This will be the most hazardous section in the hospital for you. The men on this floor are almost well.”
What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student?
What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student?One baits his hook, the other hates his book.
Three students from Michigan State, the University of Kentucky
Three students from Michigan State, the University of Kentucky and Texas A & M on summer vacation in France were caught smuggling cocaine and sentenced to death by guillotine. The judge turned to the boy from Michigan and asked, ”Do you have any final words, son?” ”Yeah, drop dead!” snapped the Wolverine. Hearing this, the … Read more
A young college student had stayed up all night
A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a sack over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front row because he wanted to do the … Read more
A student called up his Mom one evening
A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke. His Mother said, ”Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?” ”Uhh, … Read more
A math student who used to come to the university
A math student who used to come to the university on foot every day arrives one day on a fancy new bicycle. ”Where did you get the bike from?” his friends want to know. ”It’s a `thank you’ present”, he explains, ”from that freshman girl I’ve been tutoring. But the story is kind of weird…” … Read more
How do you know a Brigham Young student’s been mowing the lawn?
How do you know a Brigham Young student’s been mowing the lawn?The welcome mat is destroyed.
Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?
Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?Because education pays off in the long run!
An agriculture student said to a farmer
An agriculture student said to a farmer: ”Your methods are too old fashioned. I won’t be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples.” ”I won’t be surprised either,” said the farmer, ”this is an orange tree”.
Optimist: A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find money.
Optimist: A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find money.
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ”Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?” When Mary didn’t stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her … Read more
Student: Would it be possible to install Arabic language?
Student: ”Would it be possible to install Arabic language support on those computers?” Computer Teacher: ”In order to use Arabic language in Windows, you must install an Arabic graphic card. So I don’t think we could do that.”
A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers asked the students
A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers asked the students to learned one fact about Jesus by the following Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned. Susie said, ”He was born in a manger.” Bobby said, ”He threw the money changers out of the temple.” Little Johnny … Read more
A college student was in a philosophy class
A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about God’s existence. The professor presented the following logic: ”Has anyone in this class heard God?” Nobody spoke. ”Has anyone in this class touched God?” Again, nobody spoke. ”Has anyone in this class seen God?” When nobody spoke for the third time, he … Read more
Why was the student witch so bad at essays?
Why was the student witch so bad at essays?Because she couldn’t spell properly.
Two college students, Frank and Matt
Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a … Read more
A student engineer in the office got engaged
A student engineer in the office got engaged some time ago. At her wedding, I was reminding her of the first day she wore her ring. None of the other women in the office even noticed. Finally, in sheer and total exasperation, she said ”Boy !!! It’s so warm in here today, I think I’ll … Read more
Why did the music student have a piano in the bathroom?
Why did the music student have a piano in the bathroom?Because he was practicing Handel’s Water Music.
On what kind of ships do students study?
On what kind of ships do students study?Scholarships.
A college student in a philosophy class
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: ”Is this a question?” – Discuss. After a short time he wrote: ”If that is a question, then this is an answer.” The student received an ”A” on the exam. A Boston … Read more