What do you get if you cross a math teacher with a crab?
Question: What do you get if you cross a math teacher with a crab? Answer: Snappy answers.
Teacher Jokes
What kind of tree does a math teacher climb?
Question: What kind of tree does a math teacher climb? Answer: Geometry
Where do math teachers go on vacation?
Question: Where do math teachers go on vacation? Answer: To Times Square.
What do you call an algebra teacher who takes his vacations at the beach?
Question: What do you call an algebra teacher who takes his vacations at the beach? Answer: A tangent.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
Question: What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? Answer: The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says ”chew chew chew”.
What did the student say after the teacher said, Order students, order?
Question: What did the student say after the teacher said, ”Order students, order?” A. ”Can I have fries and a burger?”
What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
Question: What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you? A. Pick them up and roll them back to her!
What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together?
Question: What happened when the teacher tied all the kids shoe laces together? A. They had a class trip!
What is a math teacher’s favourite dessert?
Question: What is a math teacher’s favourite dessert? A. Pi!
What did the ghost teacher say to his class?
Question: What did the ghost teacher say to his class? A. ”Look at the board and I’ll go through it again!”
What did the glue say to the teacher?
Question: What did the glue say to the teacher? A. ”I’m stuck on you.”
What’s the difference between a train and a teacher?
Question: What’s the difference between a train and a teacher? A. The teacher says, ”Spit your gum out” and the train says, ”Choo-choo!”
What’s the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher?
Question: What’s the worst thing that can happen to a geography teacher? A. Getting lost.
What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal?
Question: What did the cross eyed teacher say to the principal? A. ”I can’t control my pupils!”
Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball?
Question: Why was the voice teacher so good at baseball? A. Because she had the perfect pitch.
Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?
Question: Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? Answer: She couldn’t control her pupils!
How did the teacher knit a suit of armor?
Question: How did the teacher knit a suit of armor? A. She used steel wool!
Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room?
Question: Why was the music teacher not able to open his class room? A. Because his keys were on the piano.
Why did the teacher draw on the window?
Question: Why did the teacher draw on the window? A. Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear!
Why did the teacher go to the beach?
Question: Why did the teacher go to the beach? A. To test the water.
Why do teachers give you homework?
Question: Why do teachers give you homework? A. Just to annoy you.
What did the ghost teacher say to her class?
Question: What did the ghost teacher say to her class? A. ”Watch the board and I’ll go through it again.”
What can you call a math teacher?
Question: What can you call a math teacher? A. A ruler.
What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
Question: What’s the difference between a teacher and a train? A. The teacher says throw out that gum and a train says chew, chew!
Teacher : What is a comet?
Teacher : What is a comet ?Pupil : A star with a tail Teacher: Can you name one ?Pupil: Lassie !
An English teacher asked her class to write an essay
An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they’d do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. ‘Alec !’ yelled the teacher, ‘you’ve done nothing. Why?’ ‘Because if I had a million dollars, that’s exactly what I would do !’
Why did the teacher decide to become an electrician?
Why did the teacher decide to become an electrician?To get a bit of light relief.
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?Pupil: I expect it’s around Hadrian’s garden miss!
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework?
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework?Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, ”What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg?They just … Read more
Teacher, I can’t solve this problem
Teacher, I can’t solve this problem. Any five year old should be able to solve this one. No wonder I can’t do it then, I’m nearly ten!
A teacher at a school for blind kids
A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school’s soccer team to an ”away game”. They stop for a rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how … Read more
Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river?
Teacher: Why is the Mississippi such an unusual river?Pupil: Because it has four eyes and can’t see!
The teacher asked a Louisiana teenager to count to five
The teacher asked a Louisiana teenager to count to five. The youngster proceeded to count to five on his fingers. Then the teacher asked, ”Can you count any higher?” The boy raised his hands over his head and counted to five again.
Teacher: Why do we put a hyphen in a bird-cage?
Teacher: Why do we put a hyphen in a bird-cage?Pupil: For a parrot to perch on, miss.
ttle Johnny was in class and the teacher announced
ttle Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling. She explained, ”I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one … Read more
Caspar: I was the teacher’s pet last year. Jaspar: Why was that?
Caspar: I was the teacher’s pet last year. Jaspar: Why was that?Caspar: She couldn’t afford a dog.
Teacher announced a practice spelling test
THE teacher announced that to practice spelling, each member of the class would say what their fathers did for a living and then spell the occupation. Mary went first. ”My Dad is a baker, b-a-k-e-r, and if he were here, he would give everyone a cookie.” Next came Tommy. ”My dad is a banker, b-a-n-k-e-r, … Read more
The teacher asked Simon to say his name backwards. ‘No mis’ he replied
The teacher asked Simon to say his name backwards. ”No mis” he replied
On a special teacher’s day, a kindergarten teacher
On a special teacher’s day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shooked it, held it over her head, and said, ”I bet I know what it is – flowers!” ”That’s right!” said the boy, ”but how did you know?” ”Just a wild guess,” she … Read more
My teacher’s got a pretty face if you can read between the lines.
My teacher’s got a pretty face if you can read between the lines.
Teacher: Tommy Russell, you’re late again
Teacher: Tommy Russell, you’re late again. Tommy: Sorry, sir. It’s my bus – it’s always coming late. Teacher: Well, if it’s late again tomorrow, catch an earlier one.
Teacher: Can you tell me something important that didn’t exist 100 years ago?
Teacher: Can you tell me something important that didn’t exist 100 years ago ?Pupil: Me !
Teacher: Why are you picking your nose in class?
Teacher: Why are you picking your nose in class ?Pupil: My mother won’t let me do it at home !
Why do teachers use a bamboo cane?
Why do teachers use a bamboo cane?Because when the cane goes ‘bam’ the child goes boo!
There was a dance teacher who talked of a
There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called the Politician. ”All you have to do” she told her class ”is take three steps forward, two steps backward, then side-step side-step and turn around.”
Teacher: I’ll call you Fred Smith then
Teacher: I’ll call you Fred Smith then. Pupil: My dad won’t like that. Teacher: Why is that?Pupil: He doesn’t like people taking the Mickey out of my name!
Teacher: ‘Name six wild animals’ Pupil:’Four elephants and two lions !’
Teacher: ”Name six wild animals” Pupil:”Four elephants and two lions !”
Teacher : Why are you reading the last pages of your history book first?
Teacher : Why are you reading the last pages of your history book first ?Pupil: I want to know how it ends !
Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher
Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher and the head of a large HMO, when met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the Doctor ‘what did you do on Earth?’ The Dotor replied, I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free. St. Peter … Read more