Why don’t tornadoes watch Bill O’Reilly on FOXNEWS?-It is a no spin zone
If you are standing in the main street of Amsterdam, and can’t see the clock tower of the Central Railway Station, that means it is raining. If you can see the clock tower, that means it is about to rain.
How do hurricanes see?-With one eye
Where do wind gusts go to on dates?-To Chicago
Why do hurricanes travel so fast?Because if they travelled slowly, we’d have to call them slow-i-canes.
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?Because then the children have to play inside.
A man was driving a black truck. His lights were not on. The moon was not out. A lady was crossing the street. How did the man see her?It was a bright, sunny day.
‘You never get anything right,’ complained the teacher. ‘What kind of job do you think you’ll get when you leave school ?’ ‘Well, I want to be the weather girl on TV.’
Nate: ”Hey, what’s the weather like out there?” Kate: ”I don’t know. I’ll tell you when it clears.”
Two Viking invaders are trudging up the beach in the pouring rain. One looks skywards and says, ”So this is England. What’s it like?” The other snarls, ”Well, if you like the weather, you’ll love the food.”
Which weather features do druggies like most?Highs
Why was the lightning grilled on the stove?-To make heat lightning
The Indians asked their Chief in autumn, if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared. Being a good leader, he then went to … Read more
How easy is it for wind gusts to talk to each other?-It is a breeze
Why does frost not like to lay out in the sun?-It burns too easily
The U.S. has only three hurricane warning centers – Coral Gables, FL, Guam, and Honolulu, HI (recently completed). All three have faced Category 4 hurricanes in the past month. Which only goes to show: If you build it, they will come!
I really don’t understand why the federal government was so slow to send aid to the areas hit by Hurricane Andrew. After all, both Florida and Louisiana have oil.
Why type of lightning likes to play sports?-Ball lightning
What do lightning bolts do when they laugh?-They crack up
Why can’t meteorologists forecast the weather?-They are too busy studying comets and meteors
A tornado walks into a bar and orders a Hurricane. The bartender asks why he is ordering a Hurricane when he is a tornado. The tornado responds with, ”I am a hurricane induced tornado”.
Why do tornadoes move so erratically?-They are dizzy
What are the hottest days during summer?Sun-days
What do clouds want to be when they grow up?-Thunderstorms
Q) How do you spot a happy motorcyclist in fair weather?A) He’s got bugs on his teeth.
Why did the tornado get arrested?-For speeding, theft, vandalism, assault and murder
What do freezing rain and cake icing have in common?Both are a glaze
Where do lightning bolts go on dates?-To cloud 9
Q: What’s the difference between a horse and the weather? A: One is reined up and the other rains down.
If a band plays music in a thunderstorm, who is most likely to get hit by lightning?The conductor.
There’s a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It’s called Monday.
How can you tell if a tornado is stupid?-If it spins anti-cyclonically
How do sheep keep warm in winter ?Central bleating !
Fred: I’m sure I’m right. Betty: You’re as right as rain – all wet!
What cloud is so lazy because it will not get up?-Fog
Q: What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer? A: You make my temperature rise.
Why did the lady go out doors with her purse open?Because she expected some change in the weather.
What doesn’t get any wetter no matter how much it rains?The ocean
There was a communist named Rudolph. One day he looked out the window and said, ”It looks like a storm is coming.” ”No it isn’t,” said his wife. ”Besides, how would you know?” ”Because,” he responded, ”Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
What is hail ?Hard boiled rain !
What is a hurricane’s favorite pet?-Anywhere from 1 to 5 cats
If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather?An umbrella.
It was so hot today I saw a robin picking earthworms out of the ground with a pair of tongs.
How is snow white?-Pretty good, according to the 7 dwarfs
How did the rainbow know is was lost?-It was a clear day
There is a Shreveport cable TV channel that broadcasts the (live) video of the Shreveport radar and the audio of the NOAA weather radio station. When explaining why he knew he should go into meteorology, he said that when he was young, he would sometimes watch the channel even when there were no echoes, just … Read more
Years ago, Nebraskans got tired of leaning into the wind, having their top soil blown away, and chickens laying their eggs two and three times. Seems the wind continually came down from Canada, and there was nothing between Canada and Nebraska to stop it. The farmers all got together and decided to build a fence … Read more
How do rain drops marry?-They coalesce
If six children and two dogs were under an umbrella, how come none of them got wet?Because it wasn’t raining.
What type of music do lightning bolts listen to?-Rock and Roll