Through the eyes of a… Tailor: “Just sew-sew.” Farmer: “Mine is growing.” Author: “All write.” Astronomer: “It’s looking up.” Trash Collector: “It’s picking up.” Electrician: “It’s pretty light.” Elevator Operator: “Mine has its ups and downs.” campaign970
A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day’s lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil. ”And who was it … Read more
A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant. Her friend asks, ”Didn’t your company hire an accountant a short while ago?” The business owner replies, ”That’s the accountant I’ve been searching for.”
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. ”I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. ”But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying … Read more
Miles Dobson was away from home on business in another city. When he called home, his wife told him, ”Miles, they had your name in the obits today.” ”What! In the obituary column! That’s not only disgraceful but bad journalism. I’ll sue ’em.” ”Tell me, Miles,” his wife asked tremulously, ”wh…wh…where are you calling from?”
A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read ‘BEST DEALS.’ He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading ‘LOWEST PRICES.’ The shopkeeper panicked, until he got … Read more
What place of business helps dogs who have lost their tails?A retail store.
My husband’s business is rather up-and-down – he makes yo-yos.
Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 11 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 175-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 25,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: ”HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.” A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign … Read more
Q: What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?1. No mind 2. No business.
Did you hear about the pig who tried to start a hot-air balloon business?He couldn’t get it off the ground. .
A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a very fancy new 10 speed bike. ”Where did you get the money for the bike?It must have cost $300.” ”Easy, Dad,” the boy replied. ”I earned it hiking.” ”Come on,” the father said. ”Tell me the truth.” ”That is the … Read more
What do you get when you cross a Jehova’s witness with a business man?A door to door salesman!
A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card? it said ”Rest in Peace”. The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious … Read more
What happens when business is slow at a medicine factory?You can hear a cough drop.
A business man got on an elevator in a tall building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, ”T-G-I-F” He smiled at her and replied, ”S-H-I-T.” She looked at him, puzzled, and said, ”T-G-I-F” again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering, ”S-H-I-T.” The blonde … Read more
An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there’s any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he’s in luck? there’s a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the … Read more
What business is King Kong in?Monkey business.
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. ”How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.00. ”That’s a bit much,” said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. ”That’s still quite a bit,” Tim … Read more
I’m always delighted when people stick their noses in my business – my company makes paper tissues.
Q3: What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? A: Try Sara’s Tops
A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, ”What is two and two?” The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was ”Twenty-two.” The second was a social worker. She said, … Read more
At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, ”We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41.” So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over … Read more
Mrs. Filmore returned home from a business trip and asked her husband, ”How did Greg do on his history exam?” ”Oh, not so good,” he replied. ”But it wasn’t his fault. They asked him about things that happened before he was born!”
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. ”Oh no I don’t, I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.” I double checked, and sure … Read more
How do fish go into business ?The start on a small scale !
Is there big money in the cattle business?So I’ve herd!
1. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt. 2. Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. 3. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. 4. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they … Read more