The Walking Dead needs a celebrity zombie
The Walking Dead needs a celebrity zombie.
Dead Jokes
What do you call a dead person in the closet?
Question: What do you call a dead person in the closet? A. The 1966 hide-and-go-seek champion.
What do you do with dead elements?
Question: What do you do with dead elements? A. Barium!
What flies when it’s born, lies when it’s alive, and runs when it’s dead?
Question: What flies when it’s born, lies when it’s alive, and runs when it’s dead? A. Snow.
How can you tell if a Wagnerian soprano is dead?
Question: How can you tell if a Wagnerian soprano is dead? Answer: The horses all seem relieved.
How do you tell if a tenor is dead??
Question: How do you tell if a tenor is dead?? Answer: The wine bottle is still full and the comics haven’t been touched.
How do you tell if a Wagnerian soprano is dead?
Question: How do you tell if a Wagnerian soprano is dead? Answer: The horses seem very relieved.
What’s the difference between a dead actor in the road and a dead snake in the road?
Question: What’s the difference between a dead actor in the road and a dead snake in the road? Answer: Skid marks in front of the snake.
What do directors do with dead actors?
Question: What do directors do with dead actors? Answer: Make them chorus members.
Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car?
Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car?Because he was a car-case.
How do you know when a liberal is really dead?
Q: How do you know when a liberal is really dead? A: His heart stops bleeding.
Waiter, there’s a dead fly in my soup! What do you expect for $1 – a live one?
Waiter, there’s a dead fly in my soup! What do you expect for $1 – a live one?
Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the waist down
Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the waist down. I’ll arrange for you to be halfburied.
What’s the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?
Q: What’s the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones? A: ”I didn’t wake up this morning…”
The difference between a very old, shaggy Yeti and a dead bee
What’s the difference between a very old, shaggy Yeti and a dead bee?One’s a seedy beast and the other’s a deceased bee.
What is the difference between a musician and a dead body?
What is the difference between a musician and a dead body?One composes and the other decomposes.
What did the little kid do with the dead battery?
What did the little kid do with the dead battery?He buried it.
What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
Q. What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?A. The 1995 Hide and Seek World Champion.
Coroners refer to dead people as ABC’s
Coroners refer to dead people as ”ABC’s”. Already Been Chucked.
What did the dead raccoon say in his will?
Question: What did the dead raccoon say in his will?Answer: ”Leave it to Beaver.”
Chuck Norris is dead?
Hey, did you know Chuck Norris has been dead for three years? Death is just afraid to tell him.
How can you tell Bill Clinton from a bunch of dead bodies?
Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton from a bunch of dead bodies? A: He’s the stiff one.
A man who has been dead & buried for thousands of years
What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years?Pete.
Judge: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Judge: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are on dead people.
The phrase ‘dead ringer’
The phrase ‘dead ringer’ refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
First ghoul: You don’t look too well today. Second ghoul: No, I’m dead on my feet.
First ghoul: You don’t look too well today. Second ghoul: No, I’m dead on my feet.
Q.How can you tell when a Chicago Fireman is dead?
Q.How can you tell when a Chicago Fireman is dead?A. The remote control slips from his hand.
Waiter, there is a dead fly in my soup
Waiter, there is a dead fly in my soup ! No its not, it’s a piece of dirt that looks like one !
Difference between a dead bagpiper and a dead country singer
Q. What’s the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road?A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
Waiter, there’s a dead fly in my soup! Yes sir, it’s the hot water that kills them.
Waiter, there’s a dead fly in my soup! Yes sir, it’s the hot water that kills them.
Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?
Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?Pupil: Dead ?, I didn’t even know he was sick !
Waiter, waiter! There’s a dead spider in my soup
Waiter, waiter! There’s a dead spider in my soup. Yes, ma’am, they can’t stand the boiling water.
The man passed out in a dead faint
The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone dialed 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. ”It was enough to make anybody faint,” he said. ”My son asked me for … Read more