A CNN poll today said that 46 percent of viewers who watched thought Obama won and 39 percent thought Mitt Romney won. So, it looks like Obama’s strategy of staying awake through this one paid off. –Jimmy Kimmel
Tonight is the third and final presidential debate between former Governor Mitt Romney and future former President Barack Obama. Now I’m TiVoing it, so nobody tell me whether the moderate or conservative Romney kicked the lethargic or energetic Obama’s ass. –Stephen Colbert
Democrats are accusing Mitt Romney of cheating during the debate. I don’t know who he cheated off of, but I think we can rule out President Obama. –Jay Leno
Mitt Romney said the 47 percent of people who don’t pay taxes are going to vote for Obama. You know what that means? He’s going to vote for Obama. –Jay Leno
Mitt Romney is predicting that as president, he will create 12 million jobs in his first term. Well, President Obama says a Romney presidency would result in lost jobs. Yeah, his and Biden’s. –Jay Leno
So far for Halloween, sales of Obama masks are 30 percent higher than the sales of Mitt Romney masks. That makes sense. I mean, what’s scarier than four more years of this economy? –Jay Leno
Tonight President Obama and Mitt Romney debate foreign policy. Pundits say it will be close, but it will probably go to the candidate who wore the ‘I killed Osama bin Laden’ T-shirt. –Conan O’Brien
Tonight President Obama and Mitt Romney hold their final debate in Boca Raton, Florida. The topic of the debate is what is more shocking to see in Boca Raton, a Mormon or a black guy. –Conan O’Brien
Tonight was the first presidential debate between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. Not only that, it was also Obama’s 20th wedding anniversary. It was a little weird during the debate when Obama promised to balance the budget, lower taxes, and be home by 10:00 for cuddle time. –Jimmy Fallon
Question: What did Osama Bin Laden’s ghost say to Mitt Romney? Answer: ”Don’t be sad, Obama’s foreign policy killed me too”