Police in Texas arrested a man who was using the alias ‘Barack Obama’ while trying to steal money from 35 ATMs. They could tell something was up when a guy named Barack Obama was trying to take money from banks instead of giving it to them. —Jimmy Fallon
Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.
How do you get a Texas Tech senior’s eyes to sparkle?Shine a flashlight in his ears.
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, ”Wow, these seats are big!” The person next to him answered, ”Everything is big in Texas.” When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the … Read more
Arvil was coming out of the Texas University student building when he was stopped by two coeds. ”Would you like to become a Jehovah’s Witness?” asked one of the girls. ”No, I really couldn’t. I didn’t see the accident.”
What do you get when you cross a Texas Aggie with an ape?A retarded ape.
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, ”Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your … Read more
On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he … Read more
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald’s in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
A cattleman from West Texas died & went on to the Great Beyond. As he approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, ”Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this looks just like Texas.” ”The gatekeeper replied, ”First of all, I’m not Saint Peter and … Read more
Back in the Old West three Texas cowboys were about to be hung for cattle rustling. The lynch mob brought the three men to a tree right at the edge of the Rio Grande. The idea was that when each man had died, they’d cut the rope and he’d drop into the river and drift … Read more
A group of Texas A&M Aggies and a group of Harvard students had been deadlocked in a spelling bee for an entire week. At the end of the contest the score was tied and the judges had a dilemma. They told the contestants that each group was to quickly come up with a poem using … Read more
A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. ”Oh, about $200 today,” said the rancher. ”But in six years it would have been worth … Read more
This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over. ”You got any I.D.?” the patrolman asked.” ”’Bout what?” the hillbilly replied.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Early Texas governors were not very well educated. There was once a chief executive who thought ”grammar” was his father’s mother. On one occasion this governor went hunting and forgot his gun. He phoned his secretary and asked him to send the gun. ”The phone connection’s bad,” said the secretary. ”I couldn’t catch that last … Read more