Two Newfies landed themselves a job at a saw mill. Just before morning the one yelled, ”Mick! I lost me finger!” ”Have you now?” says Mick. ”And how did you do it?” ”I just touched this big spinning thing here… No! There goes another one!”
At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, ”Will we have to fight a World War Three?” ”Yes, comrades, looks like … Read more
Q: What is Iraq’s national bird? A: Duck.
A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman were sitting in a pub discussing the best pubs around. The Englishman says, ”There’s a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every that you buy.” The Scot is not impressed and says, ”That’s nothing! In the Highlands every time you … Read more
Q: You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there? A: He’s the one with a duck.
Q: Where does an Irish person go on a vacation? A: A new bar
Q: How do you stop a Polish army on horseback? A: Turn off the carousel.
Two Bedouins were in the middle of a desert. When one gets something blown into his eye. His companion takes a look at his eye for him and says, ”Hold still Abdul, it might be sand.”
A White man explaining to a Mexican man says that there are three words the Mexican needs to know in order to be all right in the city: The White man says these words are: green, pink, and yellow. Then the White man says ”Now tell me a sentence using all three words.” The Mexican … Read more
Q: What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by .swallowing 100 pain killers? A: After two he began to feel better.
There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, ”Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!” After … Read more
Scorcher Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent’s hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, ”Have I got all ye say there?” The agent said, ”Certainly ye have…Why d’ye ask?” Replied … Read more
Q: Why do Polish hate Cauchy’s dog?(hint on Cauchy-Riemann theorem) A: Because it leaves residues at each Pole.
Recently, Germany conducted some scientific exploration involving their best scientists. Core drilling samples of earth were taken to a depth of 50m and during the core examinations, small pieces of copper were discovered. After running many arduous tests on these samples, the German government announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide … Read more
Do you know why the baby Jesus wasn’t born in Iowa?They couldn’t find three wise men!!!
What language do they speak in Cuba ?Cubic !
How do you stop a taliban tank ?Shoot the Guy Pushing it
There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life. ‘I’m fine, ‘ Angus said. ‘But there are … Read more
Q: Did you hear about the man who was Polishing the flagpole? A: He varnished into thin air!
An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would … Read more
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Six. One to screw in the lightbulb and five to fend off all those Californians trying to share the experience.
Why did the Aggie think the weatherman got the sunny forecast wrong?-The Aggie drove through a car wash
One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him what he wanted him to do. After God had briefed him on his mission, the minister decided to ask him a question. ”God,” he said, ”What is heaven like?” God replied, ”Well, normally I don’t tell people this, but since you are my servant, I … Read more
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. ”Our flag symbolizes our taxes,” he said. ”We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them.” ”That’s the same … Read more
An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site. The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, ”You’re in charge of sweeping.” To the Scotsman, he says, ”You’re in charge of shoveling.” And to the Chinese guy, ”You’re in charge of supplies.” The … Read more