Father Murphy walked into a pub and said to the first Marine he met, ”Do you want to go to heaven?” The Marine said, ”I do Father.” The priest said, ”Leave this pub right now!” He then approached a second Marine. ”Do you want to got to heaven?” ”Certainly, Father,” was the Marine’s reply. ”Then … Read more
Barty and Dunny met in a pub and discussed the illness of a friend named Hogan. ”Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I’m afraid he’s goin’ to die.” ”Shure, an’ why would he be dyin’?” asked the other. ”Ah, he’s gotten so thin. You’re thin enough, and I’m thin — but by my soul, Micheal Hogan is … Read more
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, ”I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.” The room is quiet and no one takes up … Read more
A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. ”Does your dog bite?” ”No.” A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. ”I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!” the man says indignantly. ”That’s not my dog.”
A man and his dog went into a pub. The barman said ”Sorry mate no dogs allowed in here!” The dog said ”Oh please don’t be like that, I’m trained and I won’t cause any trouble!” The bar man was astonished at the talking dog and sat and chatted with the dog and it’s owner. … Read more
What do you call an aardvark that’s been thrown out of a pub?A barredvark!
two mates at a pub having a beer when the bald one starts complaining about being bald. the other guy says to have a transplant operation.the bald guy says he cant afford it.so his mate says to go and have some rabbits tattooed on his head. The bald guy says how will that help?His mate … Read more
Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit?It was an inn-grown hare!
‘A bloke walks into a pub, and asks for a pint of Adenosinetriphosphate. The barman says ”That’ll be 80p [ATP]!”
A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac. The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won’t see him. The barman … Read more
What happened when a ghost asked for a brandy at his local pub?The landlord said ”Sorry, we don’t serve spirits.”
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. ”You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!” Now John … Read more