Longest Word in English Language #joke #humor
Question: What’s the longest word in the English language? Answer: SMILES — there is a mile between each “S”! campaign970
English Jokes
There are 2 cats, one is French and the other English
Question: There are 2 cats, one is French and the other English. The French cat’s name was Un Deux Trois and the English cat’s name was One Two Three. Both cats think they’re better than the other. To determine this they have a swimming contest. Which cat wins and why? A. The English cat, because … Read more
A monastery in the English countryside
A monastery in the English countryside was having a hard time with its cash flow because of the dwindling number of monks available to help with all the work. Then one day two of the monks, who had been discussing the problem, suggested they open a fish and chips stand down on the highway, right … Read more
An English teacher asked her class to write an essay
An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they’d do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. ‘Alec !’ yelled the teacher, ‘you’ve done nothing. Why?’ ‘Because if I had a million dollars, that’s exactly what I would do !’
The Irishman who tried to swim the English channel
Did you hear about the Irishman who tried to swim the English channel?Halfway across he decided he couldn’t make it so he swam back.
Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese
Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout. ”You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution,” screamed the terrorist leader, ”and you’re going to be executed! Do … Read more
What do you call the English Toad Prize giving cermony?
What do you call the English Toad Prize giving cermony ?The Brit Awarts !
Why did the Gorilla fail English?
Why did the Gorilla fail English?He had little Ape-titude!
The difference between an American student and an English student
What’s the difference between an American student and an English student ?About 3000 miles !
What English King invented the fireplace?
What English King invented the fireplace ?Alfred the grate !
Every time I tell my English Setter to stop barking, it never does! What does it do?
Every time I tell my English Setter to stop barking, it never does! What does it do?It just stands on its back two legs and quotes Shakespeare! What?Yeah, it says, ”To bark or not to bark that is the question!” and keeps on barking!
An English guy was very ill
An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died. The son was so overcome with grief that he … Read more
Teacher: What’s the longest word in the English language?
Teacher: What’s the longest word in the English language ?Pupil: Smiles – because there is a mile between the first and last letters
What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?
What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names…
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. ”In English,” he said, ”A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back of the … Read more
An English prisoner of war
An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, ”Englander,your arm is infected with gangrene vee must cut it off.” The English prisoner said, ”Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go … Read more
Biddle and Payne, two elderly English professors, were having
Biddle and Payne, two elderly English professors, were having lunch in the cafeteria. During the course of the conversation, Biddle said, ”A student gave me a peculiar answer in class today. I asked who wrote the Merchant of Venice and a sophomore said, ”Please, sir, it wasn’t me!” ”Ha, ha!” laughed Payne. ”And I suppose … Read more
How is a judge like an English teacher?
How is a judge like an English teacher?They both hand out long sentences.
What do you call an English teacher
What do you call an English teacher, five feet tall, covered from head to toe in boils and totally bald?Sir!
How can you tell an Italian witch from an English one?
How can you tell an Italian witch from an English one ?By her suntan !
An English professor wrote the words
An English professor wrote the words, ”woman without her man is a savage” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: ”Woman, without her man, is a savage.” The women wrote: ”Woman: Without her, man is a savage.”
Teacher: Where is the English Channel?
Teacher: Where is the English Channel ?Pupil: I don’t know, my TV doesn’t pick it up
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. ”I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total”, says the Genie. The Scottish guy says, ”I am a fisherman, my Dad’s … Read more
In Heaven: The cooks are French, The policemen are English
In Heaven: The cooks are French, The policemen are English, The mechanics are German, The lovers are Italian, The bankers are Swiss. In Hell: The cooks are English, The policemen are German, The mechanics are French, The lovers are Swiss, The bankers are Italian.
When is an English teacher like a judge?
When is an English teacher like a judge?When she hands out long sentences.
Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary
Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined ”victim” as ”one who has encountered Chuck Norris”