Bank manager: I’m sorry, sir, you can’t open an account
Bank manager: I’m sorry, sir, you can’t open an account with this sort of money. They’re wooden pieces! Lumberjack: But I only want to open a shavings account.
Manager Jokes
A baseball manager who had an ulcer
A baseball manager who had an ulcer was in his physician office for a checkup. ”Remember,” the doctor said, ”don’t get excited, don’t get mad, and forget about baseball when you’re off the field.” Then he added, ”By the way, how come you let the pitcher bat yesterday with the tying run on second and … Read more
Manager of the Month
Our team is doing so badly that ”Manager of the Month” isn’t an award. It’s an appointment!
The theatrical manager exclaimed:Your last role was magnificent
The theatrical manager exclaimed: ”Your last role was magnificent, Mr. Brown. You enacted so well that officer wounded on the battlefield. Your suffering looked very much like real.” ”It was. I’ve got a large nail in my shoe.” ”Well,” said the manager, ”for heaven’s sake leave it in until the end of the run of … Read more
Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million
Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player Fan: Why’s that?Manager: Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him!
Manager: I thought I told you to lose weight. What happened to your three week diet?
Manager: I thought I told you to lose weight. What happened to your three week diet?Player: I finished it in three days!
What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn’t pay his bill?
What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn’t pay his bill ?”Pack your trunk and clear out !”
Our bank manager can’t ride a bike any more. Why not?
Our bank manager can’t ride a bike any more. Why not?He lost his balance.
Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games?
Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games?So that they can pack the defence!
A software manager, a hardware, and a marketing manager
A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem. The software manager says, ”I can’t do anything about this – it’s a hardware problem.” The hardware manager says, ”Maybe if we turned the car … Read more
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt … Read more
A manager was being interviewed after he had resigned from a football club?
A manager was being interviewed after he had resigned from a football club?”Were the crowd not behind you” asked the reporter ”They were right behind me all right”, said the manager, ”But I managed to shake them off at the station!”
Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery?
Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game?It was a cup draw!
What is the bank manager’s favourite type of football?
What is the bank manager’s favourite type of football?Fiver side!
Manager: I’ll give you fifty pounds a week
Manager: I’ll give you fifty pounds a week to start with and a hundred pounds a week in a year’s time?Young player: OK, I’ll come back in a year’s time!
What did the Production Manager give his kids for Christmas?
Q: What did the Production Manager give his kids for Christmas? A: Nothing. But he promised he’d make it up to them on the next one.
The manager of a large city zoo was drafting
The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: ”I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.” He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. … Read more
Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom?
Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom?Captain: Well, it could have been worse. Manager: How?Captain: There could have been more teams in the league!
Program Manager
Program Manager A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their program manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off. Poof — out pops a genie.”Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison. I can grant … Read more