Question: Why did the San Francisco Zoo name a horse in their petting zoo, Coulter? Answer: Not because the conservative tranny’s uncanny resemblance to the equine, but because the horse was an unrully bitch who hates blacks and gays!
Zoo Keeper:”I’ve lost one of my elephants” Other Zoo Keeper:”Why don’t you put an advert in the paper?” Zoo Keeper:”Don’t be silly, he can’t read!”
Who do you think was sent to cover the story of the baby lion born in the zoo?A cub reporter.
Little Jordan wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents, Al and Elaine, for days. Finally Elaine talked Jordan’s reluctant father into taking him. And so Jordan and Al got into the car and left. ”So how was it?” Elaine asked when they returned home. ”Great,” Little Jordan replied. ”Did you and your … Read more
Fred was definitely more than a bit dumb? when his pal asked him how he had enjoyed his day at the zoo, he replied, ”it was a total con! I saw a sign that said To The Monkeys, so I followed it and saw the monkeys. Then I saw another sign that said To The … Read more
Caller: Finally! I got through! I’ve been trying to call the zoo for hours! Zookeeper: Yes, all our lions were busy!
I was in the zoo last week. Really?Which cage were you in?
Come on, Fred, I’ll take you to the zoo. If the zoo wants me, let them come and get me!
Some vampires went to see Dracula. They said, ”Drac, we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?” ”Yes,” replied Dracula, ”have lots of giraffes.”
When an ape visits his tailor, what kind of a suit does he order?A zoo-t suit!
Zoo visitor: What’s the new baby hippo’s name?Hippopotamus keeper: I don’t know, he won’t tell me.
Fred’s class was taken to the Natural History Museum in New York. ”Did you enjoy yourself?” asked her mother when she got home. ”Oh, yes,” replied Fred. ”But it was funny going to a dead zoo.”
This guy goes to the zoo one day. While standing in front of the gorilla’s cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless. When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident … Read more
A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger’s cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad,” the boy said finally, ”if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up …” … Read more
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel … Read more
What’s the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo?In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal and the Latin name underneath. In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal and a recipe underneath.
A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. ”Look in the lion’s mouth,” the vet told him. ”How do I do that?” he asked. ”Carefully,” replied the vet.
‘Hey, Pop,” pleaded Angelo, ”can I go to the zoo to see the monkeys?” ”What’s the matter with you?” asked his father. ”Why would you wanna go see the monkeys when your Aunt Maud is here?”
There was this truck driver who had to deliver 500 penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, his truck breaks down. After about 3 hours, he waves another truck down and offers the driver $500 to take these penguins to the state zoo for him. The next day … Read more
Father and son standing outside the elephant’s cage in the Moscow Zoo. Father tells son, ”If we stand around here long enough, one of them will throw some food at us.”
Two young nuns having just been ordained were on a holiday in New York City and were standing in front of the gorilla cage at the Bronx Zoo. The gorilla took one look at this beautiful young nun, bent the bars, lept to the ground and kissed her. Then he went back into his cage, … Read more
Why did the Irishman buy two tickets to the zoo?One to get in and one to get out.
You don’t see many reindeer in zoos, do you?No. They can’t afford the admission.
One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books — the Bible and Darwin’s Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, ”Why are you reading both those books”?”Well,” said the orang-utang, ”I just wanted to know if I was my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.”
A Scotsman paying his first visit to a zoo stopped by one of the cages ”An’ whut animal would that be ?” he asked the keeper. ”Thats a moose from Canada”, came the reply. ”A moose !!”, exclaimed the Scotsman. ”Hoots, mon, if that’s a moose then they must ha’ rats the size of elephants … Read more
An enterprising mayor of the city of Granby, Quebec, a community south of Montreal, established a municipal zoo that has become a significant tourist attraction. It has also given rise to many unusual events. Last September one of the star attractions, Arnold, an Indonesian ape, escaped to the dismay of the zoo director. The matter … Read more
There were ten zebras in the zoo. All but nine escaped. How many were left?Nine!
FRED: Did I ever tell you about the time I came face to face with a very fierce gorilla?BERT: No, what happened?FRED: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The gorilla looked at me and snarled and roared and beat his chest. Then it came closer and closer . . . BERT: … Read more
I took my son to the zoo yesterday. Really, did they accept him?
My wife asked me to take her to the zoo the other day. I said, ”If you want people to see you they can come here and do it!”
Commissioned by a zoo to bring them some baboons, the big game hunter devised a novel scheme to trap them – his only requirements being a sack, a gun, and a particularly vicious and bad tempered dog. Once in the jungle he explained to his assistant, ”I’ll climb this tree and shake the branches? if … Read more
Sauer and Tolbert went to the zoo and watched in awe as a lion let loose with a spine-tingling roar. ”Let’s get out of here!” said Sauer. ”Go on, if’n you want to,” said the other redneck. ”But Ah’m stayin’ for the whole movie!”
What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?Stop playing it cagey!
What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses?Nothing, he didn’t recognize them!
The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: ”I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.” He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. … Read more
Starting his new job at the zoo, the eager young zoo keeper asked the Head keeper what he should do for his first task. ”Go and clean out the aquarium” he was told. Arriving at the aquarium, he discovered that all the fish were dead. He rushed back to the head keeper and asked what … Read more