A van with four actors in it goes off a cliff. What’s the tragedy in this?
Question: A van with four actors in it goes off a cliff. What’s the tragedy in this? Answer: You can fit a lot more than four actors in a van.
Actor Jokes
What’s the difference between a dead actor in the road and a dead snake in the road?
Question: What’s the difference between a dead actor in the road and a dead snake in the road? Answer: Skid marks in front of the snake.
What’s the most dangerous thing in your average community theatre?
Question: What’s the most dangerous thing in your average community theatre? Answer: An actor with a power tool.
You’re driving down a road and see your director and an actor crossing the street in front of you
Question: You’re driving down a road and see your director and an actor crossing the street in front of you. Which one do you hit first, and why? Answer: Your director–business before pleasure.
How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Question: How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? A1: Five– one to climb the ladder and the other four to say that should have been me! A2: One to change it, and 99 to stand there and say ‘I could have done it better.’ A3: Just one. He stands there, and the … Read more
How many actors does it take to wallpaper a room?
Question: How many actors does it take to wallpaper a room? Answer: Only three, if you slice them very thin.
How many assistant directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Question: How many assistant directors does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: One, but she has to check with the director first to make sure he wants the bulb there.
How many straight actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Question: How many straight actors does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: Both of them.
What do directors do with dead actors?
Question: What do directors do with dead actors? Answer: Make them chorus members.
What is the definition of a gentleman?
Question: What is the definition of a gentleman? Answer: Someone who knows how to act but doesn’t.
What’s black, crispy, and hangs from the ceiling?
Question: What’s black, crispy, and hangs from the ceiling? Answer: An actor trying to change a light bulb.
How do actors traditionally greet one another?
Question: How do actors traditionally greet one another? Answer: ”Hi, nice to meet you, I’m better than you.”
How do you get an actor off your front porch?
Question: How do you get an actor off your front porch? Answer: Pay him for the pizza.
How does an actor screw in a light bulb?
Question: How does an actor screw in a light bulb? Answer: He just holds it, and the world revolves around him.
Why was the actor pleased to be on the gallows?
Why was the actor pleased to be on the gallows?Because at last he was in the noose.
An actor went to see a new agent
An actor went to see a new agent one day and said, `You must have a look at my act, it really is innovative.’ So saying, he flew up to the ceiling, circled the room a few times and landed smoothly on the agent’s desk. `So you do bird impressions,’ said the agent, `what else … Read more
Why do actors like snooker halls?
Why do actors like snooker halls?Because that’s where they get their best cues.
What do cat actors say on stage?
What do cat actors say on stage ?Tabby or not tabby !
What do you call a fight between film actors?
What do you call a fight between film actors ?Star wars !
What is an Actor?
What is an Actor?A man who tries to be everything but himself
Young Actor: Dad, guess what?
Young Actor: Dad, guess what?I’ve just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who’s been married for 30 years. Father: Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you’ll get a speaking part.
Why did the dog say he was an actor?
Why did the dog say he was an actor?His leg was in a cast.
How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Q: How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say ”I could’ve done that.”
Why won’t the witch let the traveling pig actors into her gingerbread cottage?
Why won’t the witch let the traveling pig actors into her gingerbread cottage?She’s afraid they’ll bring down the house.
What famous pig actor made a movie about Frankenswine?
What famous pig actor made a movie about Frankenswine?Boaris Karloff.
Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas station attendant?
Why did the former porn actor get fired from his job as a gas station attendant?Right before the tanks were full, he would pull out the nozzle and spray gas all over the car.
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favourite movie actor?
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favourite movie actor?Rabbit De Niro!
Knock Knock Who’s there ! Actor ! Actor who?
Knock Knock Who’s there ! Actor ! Actor who ?Actor you, my dear Alphonse !
Why did the actor fire his Gorilla agent?
Why did the actor fire his Gorilla agent?The big Ape kept wanting to take more than a 10% bite!
Fred: I met a really conceited actor the other day
Fred: I met a really conceited actor the other day. Harry: Why do you say he’s conceited?Fred: Well, every time there was a thunderclap during the storm, he went to the window and took a bow.
Who was the best actor in the bible?
Who was the best actor in the bible ?Samson, he brought the house down !
What’s the definition of a good actor?
What’s the definition of a good actor?Somebody who tries hard to be everybody but himself.
A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role
A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off a high diving board in to a swimming pool. He climed to the top of the board, looked down and promptly climbed down again. `What’s the matter?’ asked the director. `I can’t jump … Read more
Why does an actor enjoy his work so much?
Why does an actor enjoy his work so much?Because it’s all play.