An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel. ”Well,” said the Englishman, ”I support the Liverpool football club, so I’ll eat the liver.” ”I support the Hearts club,” said the Scotsman, ”so I’ll eat the heart.” ”I support Arsenal,” said … Read more
Did you hear about the Irishman who tried to swim the English channel?Halfway across he decided he couldn’t make it so he swam back.
There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the … Read more
Q: Two men drive into a car wash. Which one is the Irishman? A: The one on the motorbike.
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. ”Come have a look over here,” says Paddy, ”It’s Michael O’Grady’s grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87.” ”That’s nothing,” says Sean, ”here’s one … Read more
Q: What are the best ten years of an Irishman’s life? A: Third grade.
The Englishman’s, Irishman’s and Scotsman’s wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including the three women. Their husbands are summoned to the local police station where a policewoman breaks the news to them: ”I’m afraid sirs, that we … Read more
Two Irishmen were walking down the street with two salmon each under their arms. Two other Irishmen walking in the opposite direction see the two lucky fishermen and ask ” how did you catch those ?” Well its like this! Michael here holds my legs over the bridge, and I grab the salmon as they … Read more
Why did the Irishman buy two tickets to the zoo?One to get in and one to get out.
An Irishman joined the American Air Force and was making his first parachute jump. The instructor said, ”When you jump out of the plane, shout Geronimo and pull the ripcord.” When the Irishman woke up in hospital a few days later the first thing he said was, ”What was the name of that Indian again?”
Did you hear about the Irishman who couldn’t tell the difference between his two horses?His friend suggested measuring them, that didn’t help though, the Irishman discovered that the brown horse was only an inch taller than the white one!
An Irishman goes for a job on a building site. The man says, ”Can you brew tea?” The Irishman says, ”Yes.” ”Good. Can you drive a fork lift?” The Irishman looks at him and asksy, ”Why?How big is the teapot?”
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal. While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman … Read more
Two Irishmen are sitting in a bar. Mick’s looking particularly sad and Patrick asks him what the matter is. mick says, ”well, I knew that my grandfather had died in the war, but I’ve just found out that he actually died in the auschwitz concentration camp.” Patrick says, ”that’s terrible, did he go to the … Read more
An Irishman saw a notice outside a police station which read: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY. So he went in and applied for the job!
An Irishman, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help. A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw … Read more
An Irishman went into a post office to see if there were any letters for him. ”I’ll see, sir,” said the clerk. ”What is your name?” ”You’re having me on now because I’m Irish,” said the Irishman. ”Won’t you see the name on the envelope?”
A Scottish man, an Englishman and an Irishman were sitting in a pub discussing the best pubs around. The Englishman says, ”There’s a pub in the West Midlands where the landlord buys you a drink for every that you buy.” The Scot is not impressed and says, ”That’s nothing! In the Highlands every time you … Read more
Q: What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by .swallowing 100 pain killers? A: After two he began to feel better.
A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding. The officer asked, ”Can you describe the person who did this to you?” The Irishman replied, ”That’s what I was doing when he hit me.”
An Indian, a Rabbi, the Pope, an Italian, and an Irishman all walk into a bar together and sit down. The bartender looks at all 5 of them and says, ”What is this… some kind of joke?”
It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: ”Lads, I’m here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, … Read more