Question: Why can you never trust spiders? Because they post stuff on the web.
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle’s wife?He was an aunteater.
Why are spiders like tops ?They are always spinning !
Patron: Waiter, why is there a spider in my glass?Waiter: It scares away the flies.
What did the spider say to the fly ?We’re getting married do you want to come to the webbing ?
Why are spiders good swimmers ?They have webbed feet !
Boy: Dad, dad, there’s a spider in the bath. Dad: What’s wrong with that?You’ve seen spiders before. Boy: Yes, but this one is three feet wide and using all the hot water!
Waiter, waiter! There’s a spider in my soup. Send for the manager! It’s no good, sir, he’s frightened of them, too.
What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant ?I’m not sure, but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses !
What is a spiders favourite TV show ?The newly web game !
What do you get when you cross a bunny with a spider?A harenet.
What does a spider do when he gets angry ?He goes up the wall !
What do you call a 100 spiders on a tyre ?A spinning wheel !
What did the spider say when he broke his new web ?Darn it !
What did the spider say to the bee ?Your honey or your life !
What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late ?Your spinning me a yarn here !
Q: What do you call two spiders who just got married? A: Newlywebs.
What are spiders webs good for ?Spiders !
Waiter, there is a spider drowning in my soup ! It hardly looks deep enough to drown in sir !
What kind of doctors are like spiders ?Spin doctors !
Why did the spider buy a car ?So he could take it out for a spin !
Where do spiders play their FA Cup final?Webley stadium!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I’m a spider What a web of lies!
Waiter, waiter! There’s a dead spider in my soup. Yes, ma’am, they can’t stand the boiling water.
What do you call a big irish spider ?Paddy long legs !
How do you spot a modern spider ?He doesn’t have a web he had a website !