Mike and Pat went hunting. Mike saw a large goose fly by. He raised his rifle to shoot. ‘Don’t waste your time,’ Pat hollered. ‘The rifle is not loaded.’ ‘I can’t wait,’ Mike shouted back. ‘The bird will be gone if I take the time to load!’
Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a fool-proof plan. They got a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. … Read more
Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, ”Did you see that?” ”No,” the second guy says. ”Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead,” the first guy says. ”Oh,” says the second guy. A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, ”Did you see that?” ”See what?” the second guy asks. ”Are … Read more
A couple of hunters from Prague are out hunting, and an emormous bear runs up and in a single gulp devours one of the hunters. Miraculously, the swallowed hunter remained alive, trapped in the belly of the grizzly. The other hunter runs back to town and organizes a rescue party which heads back to the … Read more
Two guys were out hunting, but they weren’t getting any ducks. ”What do you think the problem is?” one man asked his companion. ”I dunno,” came the reply, ”Maybe we aren’t throwing the dog up high enough.”
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer said, ”Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my … Read more
A big-game hunter came across a dinosaur in the middle of the jungle and stared at it surprise.”You’re extinct,” he said. The dinosaur was hard of hearing.”What was that you said?” The hunter shouted at the top of his voice.”You are extinct.” The dinosaur looked a little nonplused. ”So would you if you’d been dead … Read more
What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter?”Quack! Quack! Quack!”
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran … Read more
Two men were out hunting when one of them saw a rabbit. ”Quick,” said the first, ”shoot it.” ”I can’t,” said the second. ”My gun isn’t loaded.” ”Well,” said the first,” you know that, and I know that, but the rabbit doesn’t.”
Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he … Read more
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. Ibn the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, ”when did you bag him?” The host said, ”that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife.” ”What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter. ”My wife.”
A group of hunters fully equipped with rifles, ammo and camping supplies, came upon a young boy armed only with a slingshot. ”What are you hunting for?” asked an older hunter. ”I don’t know. I ain’t seen it yet,” said the boy.
What is the best way to hunt bear ?With your clothes off.
Two Canadian hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read ”BEAR LEFT” so they went home.
Did you hear about the bear hunter?Well, he was out hunting for bears one day, and soon came across a large, trophy sized bear. He raised his rifle and took careful aim. Just as he was about to pull the trigger, the bear turned and began to speak to him! ”Isn’t it better to talk … Read more
Why do hunters make the best lovers?Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to … Read more
Two rednecks from Arkansas were out hunting. They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something. The first redneck says to the other, ”If you get lost, fire three shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you.” After about three hours, the second redneck finds … Read more
There were these two Engineers who decided they would go moose hunting in the backwoods of British Columbia. As it happened, they lucked out and got a moose. Unfortunately, they were about a mile from their truck. They were having a tough time dragging the animal by the hind legs when a Wildlife Biologist happened … Read more
Two fathers and two sons went duck hunting. Each shot a duck but they shot only three ducks in all. How come?The hunters were a man, his son and his grandson.
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to … Read more
A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its … Read more
A man wakes up early one morning and decides to go Bear hunting. He tells his wife, ”You’ve got three choices? you can go Bear hunting with me, I’ll do you anally or you can give me a blowjob. I’m gonna load up the truck and get the dog out. Make up your mind before … Read more
What’s the difference between a hunter and a fisherman?A hunter lies in wait. A fisherman waits and lies.
What’s a big game hunter?Someone who’s lost his way to the match.
A Cowboy was going deer hunting.. His blonde wife said she was going with him.. That they never did anything together.. So, they went.. He put her in a stand by herself.. Later in the morning he heard her shoot.. He went over to her stand and she was pointing her rifle at a guy … Read more
What’s the easiest way for a Gorilla hunter to make money?Collect unemployment insurance!
Two Virginia boys, Sonny and Rick, went out hunting and split up. Sonny heard some rustling in the bushes and, by mistake, shot his friend. After trying to remove the bullet, he carried Rick to a doctor. Two hours later, after the physician had patched up the wounded hunter, Sonny asked, ”Please, Doc. How’s my … Read more
Dick and Bob were on a hunting trip. At nightfall, Dick complained, ‘We’ve been hunting all day. We’ve shot at five deer – and not hit one!’ ‘OK. Let’s miss two more and then head back to camp,’ said Bob.
The big game hunter was showing his friends his hunting trophies. Drawing their attention to a lion skin rug on the floor he said, ”I shot this fellow in Africa. Didn’t want to kill such a magnificent beast, of course, but it was either him or me.” ”Well,” said a guest, ”he certainly makes a … Read more
The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, ”I don’t get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were were unable to make service because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation … Read more
What does the lion say to his friends before they go hunting for food? ‘Let us prey.’
Three firefighters went out on a hunting trip. There was a rookie, a captain, and a chief. The weather was misrable and they hadn’t seen any deer all day. They came across an old shack where they went inside to play a game of poker. After loosing a couple of hands, the rookie threw down … Read more
Commissioned by a zoo to bring them some baboons, the big game hunter devised a novel scheme to trap them – his only requirements being a sack, a gun, and a particularly vicious and bad tempered dog. Once in the jungle he explained to his assistant, ”I’ll climb this tree and shake the branches? if … Read more
Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter?It sure gave them something to chew over.
What do you get if you cross a telephone with a hunting dog?A golden receiver!
Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs. That evening one hunter, Sam, returned to camp alone toting a 12 point buck. ”Where’s George?” one of the men asked, noticing that Sam had returned alone. ”He’s about 6 miles back. He tripped and broke his ankle. I left him there ’cause I … Read more