Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables?
Question: Where do New York City kids learn their multiplication tables? A. Times Square.
New York Jokes
Why did Eve want to move to New York?
Why did Eve want to move to New York ?She fell for the Big Apple !
John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York
John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain. … Read more
A pig’s favorite movie: The Monster That Ate New York.
A pig’s favorite movie: The Monster That Ate New York.
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant
When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. ”Good heavens,” he said, ”what is this?” ”Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied. ”I don’t care what it has been,” he sputtered. ”What is it now?”
During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York
During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. I called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When I looked at the charge slip, I was furious. I called room service and raged, ”I know I’m in a luxury … Read more
A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York
A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he’s stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, ”Sir, have you been drinking?” And the minister says, ”Just water.” The … Read more
A blonde walks into a bank in New York
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to … Read more
An airplane was flying from LA to New York
An airplane was flying from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced, ”We have lost an engine, but don’t worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it will take 7 hours to get to New York.” A little later, the pilot announced, ”A second engine failed, … Read more
A new York Divorce Lawyer died
A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him ”What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, ”A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.” Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in … Read more
Why did the pig send his story to New York?
Why did the pig send his story to New York?He wanted to be published on Pork Avenue.
Did you ever see a country boy in New York whistle for a cab?
Did you ever see a country boy in New York whistle for a cab?He puts two fingers in his mouth and hollers, ”Taxi!”
Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York?
Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York?Driver: Which part?Passenger: All of me, of course!
Bus passenger: I’d like a ticket to New York, please. Ticket seller: By Buffalo?
Bus passenger: I’d like a ticket to New York, please. Ticket seller: By Buffalo?Bus passenger: Of course not, I’m in the bus queue, aren’t I?
A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season
A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he’d enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, ”You know, it’s been over five years since I first came in here.” ”You’ll have to wait your … Read more
A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York
A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York. During the meal service, he accidentally knocked the spoon off to the aisle with his elbow. The flight attendant immediately took a spoon from his pocket and placed it on his tray table. The man was very impressed by the promptness of the service and … Read more
A tourist is visiting New York City
A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk! He runs around and yells, ”Hey, bud, this is my car!” ”OK,” the … Read more
A man telephoned an airline office in New York
A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, ”How long does it take to fly to Boston?” The clerk said, ”Just a minute…” ”Thank you,” the man said and hung up.
Where is the most open green space in New York City?
Where is the most open green space in New York City?Central Pork
What are the pigs warned to look out for in New York?
What are the pigs warned to look out for in New York?Pigpockets.
The Zen Master is visiting New York City
The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, ”Make me one with everything.” The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box … Read more
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?Pupil: Because it can’t sit down!
A New York City yuppie moved to the country
A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks. ”That’s a lot of chicks,” commented the proprietor. ”I … Read more
Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago
Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago
How does a New York University psychology major turn on his lights in the morning?
How does a New York University psychology major turn on his lights in the morning?By opening the car door.
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. … Read more
A woman walks into a bank in New York
A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the … Read more