Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus
President Obama will begin a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are confusion, delusion, and desperation. —Jay Leno
Question: What do you call a school bus full of Rednecks? Answer: Twinkie.
Question: A bus driver was going down the road. He passed a stop sign without stopping, went on the left side of the road, and ran a red light, yet he didn’t get fined. Why? A. Because he wasn’t driving a bus, he was walking!
A guy waiting at the bus stop wearing chains, leather jaket, and leather pants and his hair in long spikes each a different color. An old man at the bus stop looked and looked at the guy, finally, the guy said to the old man: ”haven’t you ever done anything crazy and wild in your … Read more
Yo mamas so fat it took me a bus and two trains just to get on her good side.
Teacher: Tommy Russell, you’re late again. Tommy: Sorry, sir. It’s my bus – it’s always coming late. Teacher: Well, if it’s late again tomorrow, catch an earlier one.
Why did the bat miss the bus?Because he hung around for too long.
Conductor, do you stop at the Savoy Hotel?I should say not, on my salary!
Why did the vampire stand at the bus stop with his finger up his nose?He was a ghoulsnif fer.
Passenger: Does this bus go to London?Conductor: No. Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor: There’s an advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don’t sell them!
When you go for a bus ride, do you like sitting upstairs or downstairs?I prefer to ride on top, but it’s very hard getting the horse up the stairs.
Sam left work after a tiring day. ‘Take the bus home,’ suggested a friend. ‘My mother would only make me take it back,’ Sam said.
Why didn’t anyone take the school bus to school?I wouldn’t fit through the door.
A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. ”A priest. Somebody get me a priest!” the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd—-no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. ”A … Read more
A man trying to get on an overcrowded bus was pushed off by the people inside. There’s no room,’ they said. ‘It’s full up!’ ‘But you must let me on!’ shouted the man. ‘Why, what’s so special about you?’ they asked. I’m the driver,’ replied the man.
Conductor, this bus was very slow! Oh, I expect we’ll pick up speed now you’re getting off!
Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York?Driver: Which part?Passenger: All of me, of course!
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: ”That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.” In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and … Read more
Why couldn’t the skeleton pay his bus fare?Because he was skint.
a quadruple amputee is waiting at the bus stop.The bus pulls up.Driver says ”alright John, how you getting on today?”
Yo mama is so old that her bus pass is in hieroglyphics!!
What’s the difference between a bus driver and a cold?A bus driver knows the stops, and a cold stops the nose.
Bus passenger: I’d like a ticket to New York, please. Ticket seller: By Buffalo?Bus passenger: Of course not, I’m in the bus queue, aren’t I?
‘Is everyone in the bus?’ asked the driver before he closed the door. ‘No,’ called a lady, ‘wait until I get my clothes on.’ All the passengers in the bus turned towards the door to look at the woman. She got on with a bag full of laundry.
Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said, ”If you were a gentleman, young man, you’d stand up and let someone else sit down.” ”And if you were a lady,” replied Roger, ”you’d stand up and let four people sit down.”
Policeman: Why have you parked your bus here?Bus Driver: The sign says ”Bus Stop.”
Janet: What’s the difference between a cake and a school bus ?Jill: I don’t know. Janet: I’m glad I didn’t send you to pick up my birthday cake !
A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer’s field. Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. … Read more
What would you get if you crossed King Kong with a skunk?I don’t know but it could always get a seat on a bus!
Does this bus stop at the river?If it doesn’t there’ll be a very big splash.
How can you kill an idiot with half a dollar?Throw it under a bus.
Q: What is a bus ? A: A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the man’s supper and began whining and jumping up at him. ”Do you mind if I throw him a bit?” said the man to the lady. … Read more
What do you call a man with a double decker bus on his head ?The deceased !
Yo mamma is so fat when a bus hit her she said who threw the pebble.
Have you heard that all the buses and trains are stopping today?No. Is there a strike?No, they’re stopping to let the passengers off.
A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians he buries them. The next … Read more
What do you call a bloke with a bus on his head?Dead.
What did the bus conductor say to the frog?Hop on.
Policeman: Did you realize you just missed that bus with your car?Motorist: Did you want me to hit it?
Did you say that you fell over fifty feet but didn’t hurt yourself?Yes – I was trying to get to the back of the bus.
So the bus driver said to the string, ”Are you a string?” and the string said, ”No, I’m afraid not”. (A frayed knot).
‘When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.” ”If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you.”
As the bus came to the stop, the man at the front of the queue took out his eye, threw it up in the air and caught it before getting on the bus. An amazed conductor said, ‘What on earth did you do that for?’ ‘I wanted to know if there was room on top,’ … Read more
What ”bus” crossed the ocean?Columbus.
Have you seen the bus website?Yes – it’s just the ticket!
Did you hear about the blonde who missed the 44 bus?She took the 22 twice instead.
How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?Never enough.
What do monsters play when they are in the bus?Squash.