Waking up a bear? #joke #humor
Question: Why does a bear sleep through the winter? Answer: Who’s going to wake up a bear? campaign970
Bear Jokes
What is the definition of a polar bear?
Question: What is the definition of a polar bear? Answer: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation
What do you call a bear with no socks on?
Question: What do you call a bear with no socks on? Answer: Bare-foot.
Why did the bear cross the road?
Question: Why did the bear cross the road? A. To eat the dead chicken.
What do you call a polar bear in the desert?
Question: What do you call a polar bear in the desert? A. Lost.
Why are Teddy Bears never hungry?
Question: Why are Teddy Bears never hungry? A. Because they are always stuffed.
Mama bear to Papa bear: ”Well… You might call
Mama bear to Papa bear: ”Well… You might call it hibernating — I call it ‘goofing off’.”
How do you hire a teddy bear?
How do you hire a teddy bear?Put him on stilts !
What do polar bears have for lunch?
What do polar bears have for lunch ?Ice burger !
A big white bear with a hole in his middle
What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle ?A polo bear !
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its descendents now have white hair.
My mother says I look just like an animal when I’m in the bath – a little bear.
My mother says I look just like an animal when I’m in the bath – a little bear.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Why do bears have fur coats ?Because they’d look stupid in anoraks !
If you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp ?A bear faced lyre !
Which vampire ate the three bears’ porridge?
Which vampire ate the three bears’ porridge?Ghouldilocks.
Two men went bear hunting
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran … Read more
How do you start a teddy bear race?
How do you start a teddy bear race ?Ready, teddy, go !
Retired colonel, talking of the good old days: Have you ever hunted bear?
Retired colonel, talking of the good old days: Have you ever hunted bear?His grandson’s teacher: No, but I’ve been fishing in shorts.
What is a bear’s favourite drink?
What is a bear’s favourite drink ?Koka-Koala !
Chuck Norris’ beard converts CO2
Chuck Norris’ beard converts CO2 to O2.
Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear?
Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear?A. Because every time she got hot, he’d beat her with a shovel!
What is the best way to hunt bear?
What is the best way to hunt bear ?With your clothes off.
Two Canadian hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting
Two Canadian hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read ”BEAR LEFT” so they went home.
Did you hear about the bear hunter?
Did you hear about the bear hunter?Well, he was out hunting for bears one day, and soon came across a large, trophy sized bear. He raised his rifle and took careful aim. Just as he was about to pull the trigger, the bear turned and began to speak to him! ”Isn’t it better to talk … Read more
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear ?Winnie the Pooh !
Why did the kangaroo love the little Australian bear?
Why did the kangaroo love the little Australian bear?Because the bear had many fine koala-ties!
What’s a teddy bears favourite pasta?
What’s a teddy bears favourite pasta ?Tagliateddy !
What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?
What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?”Well, doggone !”
Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard
Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
A man wakes up early one morning for bear hunting
A man wakes up early one morning and decides to go Bear hunting. He tells his wife, ”You’ve got three choices? you can go Bear hunting with me, I’ll do you anally or you can give me a blowjob. I’m gonna load up the truck and get the dog out. Make up your mind before … Read more
Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Why was the little bear so spoiled ?Because its mother panda’d to its every whim !
Bearded Barbie
There is a new Barbie doll on the market – Bearded Barbie …complete with tweezers
What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
What do you call a gigantic polar bear?Nothing, you just run away!
Two skunks were being chased by a bear
Two skunks were being chased by a bear. As the bear got closer, one of the skunks said ”Whatever shall we do?” ”Let us spray!” replied the other.
A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, ‘Dad, am I pure polar bear?
A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, ”Dad, am I pure polar bear?” The dad replies, ”Sure you are son. I’m all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear.” Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to … Read more
Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet ?It lives on ice !
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig ?A teddy boar !
What kind of money do polar bears use?
What kind of money do polar bears use ?Ice lolly !
Why do polo bears like bald men?
Why do polo bears like bald men ?Because they have a great, white, bear place !
Garvin the mammalogist, was in Alaska studying polar bear
Garvin the mammalogist, was in Alaska studying polar bear. In sub-zero weather, he would spend 7 days out on the ice. But, after his 7 days in the field, he would return to the small town and spend a day or two resting up and drinking in the only bar in town. On one particular … Read more
There is no chin under Chuck Norris’s beard
There is no chin under Chuck Norris’s beard, only another fist